Without fear

 

 

He stands there in overalls and a bowler,

his face still a mystery,

as nothing is there,

a blank expression where

laughter would be expected

as he raises the dull blade,

bringing it down without a sound

bludgeoning the creativity,

smashing pens into piles

of dried ink souvenirs

he sells to the buses

of lost poets

passing through

trying to remember the past,

what it was like to write freely,

without fear

 

With crooked fingers,

pockets already overflowing,

spilling on the ground,

he pushes deeper,

the cash of the lifeless,

empty wallets now lying on the floor

with stale French fries

and smashed M&M’s

thanking them for their business

before locking the door

to his café once more

Reviews

[Confuser]

Thanks Will - great writing; very creative and insightful. Thank you so much. Dale

[Confuser]

.............................................................Wouldn't delete????

[Rudi J.P. Lejaeghere]

Very well said, Will. It's not so difficult to read between the lines, but the work a writer is unique and property of the writer, no one has the right to take this away. :) Rudi

[willweb]

Thanks so much my friend, it's also not right to judge a person because of what they like or don't like.

[Baby Ricochet]

Brought to mind that old Billy Bob Thorton movie "Sling Blade."

[willweb]

I loved that movie. Thanks so much BR.

[Lydia Shutter]

But if you walk away, you are giving in to the b******s. Your work is yours...you have a style. No one can copy it and claim it as their own. We would know. You should be proud of what you have written. I hope you don't walk away because you have a well of creativity that is far from dry. The sense of exasperation is strong in this one. As always, I enjoy your writing. Lydi**

[willweb]

Thanks so much Lydi. I really do appreciate you. And sorry for talking with my mouth full, smashed or not, those M&M's are good. :)

[Lydia Shutter]

My favorite candy, bar none!

[willweb]

Hmmm, I was scratching my head until I saw the comma. :)

[Lydia Shutter]

commas count! LOL

[BAlanMorgan]

This was well done. I enjoyed the non-cliché moments in the writing--I was honestly worried you'd slip into the cliché dark this and sad that, desperate that, lonely there... stuff. Do more of the vivid imagery in the future (as in the smashed mnm and the French fries) cause that was really interesting. I would work on the "his face a mystery" part, only because that was the moment I started fearing you would slip into the cliché dark poet attitude, however you were able to bring it back--thus, if you were to avoid that in the future, the poem would turn into a master piece. "the cash of the lifeless" was strong, so add more elements such as that in future poems--an example would be river of corruption, hands of the lepers, (from poems I've read) and these kinds of sentences are very strong. They incorporate one focal point, the subject, and introduce a strange entity into the poem (the lifeless) and give the reader opportunity to envision these lifeless pedestrians being robbed. I would add a lot of these to the next few poems you write. I liked the "write freely" since it was a simple pun, you might have not deliberately meant, or did (either way it worked) rather than remembering what it was like to "ride" freely. Very strong. One last point, with the grammar throughout the entire poem there was a small discrepancy at the end of the stanzas--no periods. You added commas, and actually wrote the sentences clearly, without odd poet fragment sentences (such as 'Filled with darkness. Loneliness and depression.') (not real sentences as you see) however you actually had great grammar throughout, except for the period at the end of the first and second stanza. That's all you really needed to complete it. Overall, I can't wait to read more poetry with these strong elements of skill in them, and keep doin your thing, but I tried offering little tips that might turn this from a poem to a literary work.

[willweb]

Thanks for this review. I always try to use commas to pause a thought but never use periods in my poetry. I don't find them that necessary and I pretty much suck a grammer anyway, so there is that. Thanks again for visiting, reading and leaving such a nice rview.

[MomzillaNC]

Keep writing. This is another powerful message of longing with a sense of desperation… of loss and regret.

[willweb]

Thanks so much MomZ

[MomzillaNC]

yw :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

even if somebody steals what we write, it is still ours...we know, and that is all that really matters in the conscience of it all.

i really like the part about the fries and the smashed M&M's---locking the door to his cafe---not the cafe in general, but his own little poetry shop.

[willweb]

Exactly, thanks so much Jacob.

[R Smith]

immensely sad Will but your pen is always gold so this reflection on writing is most welcome as is all you do :)

[willweb]

Thank you so very much Richard for those uplifting words.

[Lyn Anderson]

This is an interesting piece Will. It conveys a sense of loss and longing, with a sharp edge.

[willweb]

Thank you so much KL for your nice words.