Retention Span

Momzilla's challenge.

Mother begins to drown

and her eyes closed-set

As the briny depths heave a sigh of regret

Dying slowly with boundless girth

She's eating too much

Health thrown to the dirt

Mother was right

in lessons to save face

Hard-fought teachings quickly going to waste

Her children dancing through another day,

She birthed the ungrateful

Observes and decays

Author's Note

Reviews

[MusicManiac]

Hello there!

Wow, I really like your take on the challenge! The personification is truly spectacular--I especially like the second stanza. The reference to health and eating really sold it for me. I could keep rambling about how much I liked it, but I'll stop here.

MusicManiac

[Bill O. Writes]

Hey! Thanks so much! I look forward to reading yours :)

[MusicManiac]

You're very welcome! And thank you!

[Briana O'Connor]

Excellent execution. The story brings forth darkness and powerfully entices emotion and though provocation. Very well done

[Bill O. Writes]

Thank you! Strongly worded review my friend! :)

[Lyn Anderson]

I love what you did with this challenge.

[Bill O. Writes]

Thanks so much KL

[jacob erin-cilberto]

"do what i say, not what i do"

we lead by example, or not.

this one really hits us over the head.

[Bill O. Writes]

Thanks for the review jacob!

[MomzillaNC]

The anthropomorphism of the planet makes your prose immediate and visceral… both a conviction of our wasting of our planet and of our usurious and self-damaging attitudes about the planet and our own health.

[Bill O. Writes]

Thanks for reviewing! Was this ambiguous enough to meet the criteria of what you were looking for?