The dark and light

darkness in the mind follwed by the light shown

the darkness seeps behind closed eyes

theres nothing left to justify

all is lost to what lies within

the forest starts to grow thin

we see the veil of light shatter through the trees

bending us down to our knees the

light takes hold of the body

blocking out the darkness and pulling us

the traps set out

a wolf appers and takes us in and we are stripped of all our sin

left naked in the woods we never know how the story will end

　

the golden light falls on the forest floor

you see it as you walk out your door

it leads the darkness into light turns the day into night

we harness it and keep the energy

let it flow though the sky

we keep on looks upon its glory

wishing we could fly

have the warm ray of light so close and in site

for the power of nature blesses us all and with it we will never fall

Author's Note

i relize im a bit jumpy on to topics and might not make sense but if youd bare with me i hope you will see the light in this poem that actuall was 2 sepreate pomes i tryed to combine.

Reviews

[Shivi]

I think that's nice you tried to combine two sides that sums up life. It shows the gloomy side through your first part and later how there's always light at the end of a tunnel. Very thoughtful!

[Demauscian]

Again, in poetry try to stick to a rhyming scheme or don't throw in those few lines that do rhyme, because then when it doesn't rhyme later it feels, 'odd', where as if it all didn't rhyme then it wouldn't set me up for that.

I think the two poems are correlated enough to combine into one as you've done here. Perhaps you could work on a transition.

I guess the thing that bothers me the most is that there is no punctuation. Without punctuation I don't know where to pause while reading to set up a rhythm or beat.


Thank you for posting and good luck in the coming (insert time interval here). Of course, keep writing and eat dessert first!