Jar of roses

A poem about dried roses kept in a jar.

I have a whole 

Jar of dried roses

On my shelf

Above my bed

I cut a hole 

To let the air slip in 

For it breathe 

Even though 

It's dead 

It's dead

But in my mind

It never lost its colour 

I remember 

It wore a dress

Colours grew deep

In shades of that red

Like the water grew 

Above the ship

Till it eventually 

Sank and rest

But I remember 

For it wore a dress

In red 

In red

Now its shade

Has brown hue

It crept on the skin

As the water flew

That once a shade

Got stained with all the grey

Had a story to tell

But now it stays

With the colours

Of a fallen autumn leaf

Blown away by the wind

Now it stays 

Like the colours of autumn leaves 

As they shed 

They shed 

They shed

Do you ever 

Look at the pretty thing

And wonder what 

Its life was meant?

Adored and grown

Given and forgiven

Between a couples argument 

Just a symbol of love ?

But I know in my heart

That there's more 

Than the words can tell

Yeah I know in my heart

There's so much more 

To be said

Be said

Afterlife 

Wanders its soul

Through the pages of 

Of my leathered book

But can I really see through 

Its bones

And write about more than

What it's written on?

On the pages

Soaked my ink

Through all the things 

Deeper than it's known 

For there's so much more for the knowing 

It's forevermore 

I lay in the bed

Climb into my mind 

And linger around the thought 

Why I kept 

The jar of roses 

In its solitary corner

As it flipped a page

And it read

It read

It read ...

Author's Note

Open to any thoughts and tips to improve

Reviews

[Costa Siwale]

This piece reads like a delicate and reflective sonnet. I like how you use the dried roses as a symbol of memory, love, and the passage of time, and the repetition of "it’s dead, it’s dead" gives it a luring emphasis.
Well written my friend!

[syndeton]

I like the stream of consciousness type feel to it, and especially the repetition of lines like “It’s dead” and “In red”.
There are a few spelling or grammar ‘errors’ however. I put ‘errors’ in quotes because I don’t know if they are intentional, but I’ll write some here in case you want to know:
In “wander’s it’s soul”, “it’s bones”, and a few other times, there shouldn’t be an apostrophe in the word “it’s”. “It’s” with an apostrophe is used only as a contraction of “it is”, and “its” without an apostrophe is used for possessives, like in these quotes. So “it’s bones” reads as “it is bones”, for example. “Its” is the only possessive without an apostrophe.
“Wander’s” in “wander’s it’s soul” should probably be “wanders”. I assume you were going for the verb “wanders”, and I’m pretty sure verbs never have ‘s at the end, since they can’t own things.
You also mention a “fallen autumn leave”, but the singular of “leaves” is “leaf”, not “leave”. It’s weird, but that’s just how it is.
Okay, now that’s over with. I’m sorry if I seemed really negative, but I just wanted to provide some pointers to improve (if those things were unintentional). I do really like this poem, the rhythm really captivated me while I was reading it and I like the imagery, but most of the review ended up being grammar corrections. This isn’t because of your poem, it’s just because I can’t explain things in a very concise way.

[from the poet's desk]

Thank you so much for taking the time to read and leave such thoughtful feedback. I really appreciate your attention to detail — especially with the grammar corrections. You’re absolutely right about “its” vs. “it’s” and “wanders” — those were unintentional slip-ups on my part, English is not my first language and I’m glad that you pointed them out. The “leave” instead of “leaf” was just one of those weird typos that my eyes skipped over, but I totally get how that stood out.

And your message didn’t come off as negative.In fact, it’s super helpful and encouraging. I’m glad you liked the repetition and stream-of-consciousness style — that means a lot to me. Thanks again for the kind words and honest suggestions