Old habits die hard

I'm starting to realise more and more what people mean by saying "old habits die hard". You scroll down tumblr and you see these blogs that you used to follow and how they trigger you. The reminders of when you look down at your wrists and thighs. The thought of what people have said about it not knowing it was you. I have had these swings of mood for a while, but I've realised it's getting worse. I go from on top of the world happy, then to clinical depression sadness. It has happened 3 times to day and I'm stuck in depression. I know that sounds insanely wrong, it's not like my emotions are a broken light switch. It's me lying to myself and running away from the truth. I really need to stop doing that. The truth is getting harder and harder to run from. I stared at a beam today thinking wow, I know how to tie a nuse, I could do that right now. The question is what's stopping me?