1am Impatience

My first poem of any importance. Although a fictional poem, it's loosely based on a string of messages interchanged between an ex-boyfriend and I, and we'd often stay up late, talking to each other.

For hours on end,
I gaze at the flickering scenes
Of animated battle sequences,
As gravity pulls at my eyelids
Begging for sleep.

Each blink becomes an internal battle,
But i force to keep my wary eyes open
Just a little while longer.
Just waiting for the little number (1) to appear
Next to the word inbox in the facebook window.

Then, alas! I notice that little number
And my eyes spark with life
As all fatigue washes away like
Egyptians in the Red Sea.

I eagerly click on the link to see
His name
At the top
Of the page.

His name glows dully, blue print on white.
Nothing special
To an outsider’s eye.

But when I see that name,
My breath catches.
My heart rate jumps.
My grin slowly widens.

I slide the mouse to open up his new message.
Although my impatience could eat me alive,

I read slowly,

Relishing it,
L
E
T
T
E
R

B
Y

L
E
T
T
E
R

Despite my slow reading,
My eyes reach the end of the short message
In under five seconds.

My breath escapes with a huff.
My heart rate slows.
My grin fades away.
All euphoria vanishes like
A wisp of smoke.

The expected heaps of treasure turned out to be
A cold rock.

An empty message.

Eighteen empty letters.
Five empty words.
Two short, stabby sentences.

i’m tired. goin to sleep, he says.

No.
Not empty.
They are full of pain,
Inflicted upon me with every word written.
Each word, a bullet causing a flesh wound,
Causing, not death,
But blinding agony.

My heart slumps down to its lowest point.

All night, I have waited.
And waited.
And waited.
For a reply.
For anything.

For this?!!

In my mind,
I swear him off.
I refuse to waste my time.
I don’t need anyone in my life
Who doesn’t need me in theirs.

I hear every single curse word and profanity
Resound in my head,
As moisture wells up in my bloodshot eyes.

I harshly look away at the dully lit screen,
Attempting to have my vision accustomed to the darkness.
Stubborn blotches of light glow in my sight.
I give up and look back at the Screen of Disappointment.

Suddenly,
Another (1) appears
At the top of the screen
Immediately following the sacred word of inbox.

I hesitate.
At the back of my mind,
I try not to keep my hopes up.

But I eagerly click my way to the message anyways.

I take my time.
I savor the words.
They are my sustenance.
They are my lifeblood.

The expected cold rocks turned out to be
The brilliant gems i’ve been waiting out on.

srry i just had a long day.
i wish i could stay up and talk to u but im exhausted
it’s late, u should go to sleep too.
i’ll get u sum coffee in the morning
cuz if i don’t ur gonna be dead asleep in class x]
i love you babe.
gnight,
he says.

My lips smile.
My thoughts relax.
My eyes shut.

One final time for tonight.

Reviews

[Zeitgeist Manifesto]

Awesome! I loved the highs and lows of this poem. You captured a lot of feelings here. I liked how you showed fear grow and take on a life of its own. This is also a sneaky poem. It covertly slips a lesson into the readers mind. Taken at face value though, its terrific. The length of the poem was slightly intimidating at first, but the theme of genuine love pulled me in. You didn't water it down with any unnecessary details. This is a job well done. I really liked it.