#2

They look but they don't see,
The burden im holding within me.
Something so terrible,
it's honestly unbearable..

What would you do?
If you knew?
This pain..
With nothing possible to gain.

Going downhill,
come with me if you will..
No expectation.
Destruction before recreation.

Author's Note

Ignore grammar/style

Reviews

[Bear]

I had a teacher once tell me that if you didn't care enough of your work to give it a name why should people care enough to bother reading it? That said I think you should give your poem a fitting name like GOING DOWNHILL. I don't understand why you ask style be ignored, your work is emotional and has some philosophical depth, the rhyme scheme is very good and it is all put together in a style all your own so Bravo! Clap! Clap!

[Emily B]

this is good, know your voice

speak your heart

[dan]

A lot of conflicting sentiments, but all rooted in a terrible pain. Terrific symbolism to highlight this unbearable conflict of interests. This may have been more effective if more detail was given? A nice effort though. take care...dan

[Emma]

What an important topic! There are so many people that live with burdens that we don't even know about. If everyone would sacrifice just a few minutes of their day to help or be kind to someone else, the world would be a better place.
Good job. I actually though the poem as whole, flowed rather nicely:)

[Coyote Poetry]

I enjoyed the poem.
"Going downhill,
come with me if you will..
No expectation.
Destruction before recreation."
The above ending was perfect. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[Angelique]

Sad but very true, unfortunately when you are in pain people don't really take the time to notice or really care.

[Shadowkai]

You have talent I can tell, heck I'm only 16 and I working on two books, I am really looking forward to more of your "Scribbling" please keep writing :)
Great work
Shadowkai

[Aphy!]

Very nicely put. Loved the simplicity and the flow of this very lovely piece. You should do more "scribbling", you have talent and great skill!
Keep writing and looking forward to reading more

Aphy

[Writing About Who]

thank you so much!!! i literally just scribble thank you for the encouragement

[Aphy!]

You're more than welcome