Psychopath

Um... Probably one of the creepiest pieces i've ever written o.o.. oops?

He watches her through

Silver shadowed eyes,

He hears her every breath

And her breathless sighs.

 

He follows the taste of

Her rhythmic blood flow,

Following the hunger for soft flesh

And a thirst for blood only he would know.

 

He stalks the arousing curiosity

Of how it may feel to touch her skin,

He walks calmly after her

Dying to commit this blood-lust-sin.

 

He prowls behind her silently

Through dark alleys at night,

Following her perfumed scent

Chasing her out of sight.

 

He watches her through

His killer pale eyes,

He listens to her last breath

And bristles excitedly as she dies.

Reviews

[naznaz]

Hi,
I really wanted to read this, as I like the slightly eerie poems.
In regards to the atmosphere I feel it had been created very well. The poems comes across slightly unnerving and the imagery conjured is effective, particularly the first and third stanza, which I really enjoyed.
I like ‘He hears her every breath, And her breathless sighs..’, it’s almost like getting into the head of the character that you have created. Sometimes however I feel the poem is removed from this ‘psychopaths mind’ to a third person and sort of flits back and forth. I think it would be more effective if the author and the ‘psychopath’ are one of the same.
Also, not really a criticism, but as a preference, I think this would be an amazing poem if it wasn’t so structured. If it was broken and not as rigid, I think it would give it an air of breathlessness, heightening the eeriness. You know, the eagerness of ‘psychopath’, like you’re inside the characters head. The fragmented thoughts of someone a little crazy.
Overall however I still very much liked the poem. It was very good!

[siri]

You my friend froze me and shattered me to pieces. This is one of the favorite poems I have ever read. The style put me in a certain perspective I always wanted to experience. Thank you now I wont have to go Kill anyone to feel your delicate masterpiece.

[Michael X]

wow, this brilliant poem is pure ambience, a setting in dark theme.
the rhyme scheme captures the delving thoughtfulness put into every word.
you have an amazing way with poems, keep it up

[The Lone Wolf Prose]

I had a chill as I was reading this and my skin prickled in a most uncomfortable way. Very nicely done.