Drown in Sin

Bleh?

I am the flickering light at the back of your head,

The one that weighs you down like lead,

Into an ocean of doubts and second-guessing,

Down, down to the blackened sea-weed, and rocks the sea is bedding.

I am the screaming voice pinching your nerves,

The one that makes your mind slip and swerve

Through nightmares and ugly dreams

Down, down under the Acheron’s bloodied streams.

I am the whispering liar playing tic-tac-toe with your brain,

The one that drives you unnoticeably but unmistakably insane,

With mocking moans and cries of pleasure that pull you now

Down, down so far down,

Making you

Letting you

Watching you

Drown.

 

Author's Note

Um... Please let me know what you think.. I'm kind of experimenting with breaking my ABAB Rhyme scheme hehe, and the first stanza being like the last one scheme xD I'm bored of it! Please tell me how it is!

Reviews

[The Lone Wolf Prose]

Absolutely love this poem. The form, the rhyme pattern...all like an anchor dragging us down as we continue to read. A wonderful write.

Well done

LW

[Danse Macabre]

Satan is a carpenter, and we're but his simple tools.

[Matthew Kult]

Hello Again,

I do enjoy anything that has to do with suffocation. It's a power thing. Anyway. I enjoyed this, I enjoyed the aabb, I should I do it alot. I also don't mind the abab. I do that from time to time. I think you should always write where you are most comfortable but then again if we don't expand then how do we grow.

I enjoy the poem, and again I like the surreal imagery, the daunting task of walking down a path of pure insanity. Exciting.

Always,

Matthew

[ChristianM]

Wow. Heavy stuff Doc.
I thoroughly loved it though.
I'm a Christian and this pretty much sums up sin. Satan wanting you to plunge into the darkness.
Bravo

[MissWordSmith]

very nice! the flow was a little erratic in a few places but you chose your words very well. keep it up!