John 1:5

A man is restless in the night.

I lie back. The walls shudder as they give to my weight. Light spills into my room illuminating the bed spread. Vivid patterns catch my eye, and twist the contour of my chamber. A lone cloud creeps into obscurity, shielding the moon’s light from me. I twist and look. 1:05 - the clock. I sigh. I need sleep, I can’t sleep. Darkness creeps under my door. A wall of black uncertainty fills my view. In desperation I attempt to turn on a light, no light. I look to the guide. 1:05. The walls move without motion. Dark shadows cast light onto my eyes. The house groans in silent protest to the overcast evil in my room. Was there a window? Am I still awake? The world becomes surreal. There is evil in this room. I can feel it. Beyond the veil of the unseen, creeping, waiting, watching… watching… The wind prevails, pushing the clouds from their permanent resting place. The darkness leaves. I am safe. The clock read : 1:05. I am safe.

Author's Note

Its just a simple passage I wrote after reading John 1:5, try to interpret the theme.

Reviews

[Indecision]

Despite its size, the excerpt holds up. My only complaint would be that some of the sentences seem to be oversimplified. For instance, "The walls shudder as they give to my weight." I could understand that you're building tension early by cutting down the length of your sentences. Though this error shows up on every other sentence. As for John 1:5, darkness is not necessarily evil, it is simply an absence of light. I could understand it more if there was more writing to this piece.

[Stephen Tafoya]

Very nice critique, thank you for the review.