Hessian

Please stop I whispered into the darkness, nothing moved, nothing changed, so I said it again louder. Please stop! Something shifted but it wasn’t near me, my breathing shallowed and my head started to spin. Big slow circles that I traced in my mind, big slow circles that led me nowhere but now.

My skin was prickling, like the pores of my skin were opening up for split seconds, to taste the air, to let something fresh in, to give me strength. My lungs felt full, full of stale, crushed air. Air that was trapped, that hadn’t lived for so long it was devoid of being.

I remembered in flashes, I remembered I was, I was…

 

I wake again, I don’t know where, where I am. My head feels full of honey or some kind of viscous liquid, my thoughts come so slowly, so slowly. There is movement above me. I can make out the silhouette of a man, a man with no hair.

 

I remember.

 

My heart is moving around my body, banging at my ribcage, at the walls of my intestines, at the base of my big toe. My teeth are welded together, so close my tongue can’t make it through, can’t make a sound. I push out a low growl, a growl that turns into more of a plea. The kind of sound a dog might make when you step on its foot. I am embarrassed, I am quiet again.

 

The man with no hair turns, I can see light, I can see light through the hessian. The hessian he has laid across the window. He doesn’t smile, he doesn’t speak, he doesn’t blink. I think in the furthest part of my brain, right back where my neck is, I think stop, I think this is a dream and I think stop, I think I am hallucinating and I think stop, I want them all to be true. I know they are not. 

Author's Note

want to change something but don't know what