You Could Have Believed in me.

Watching you give up, makes me want to throw up.

What happened to that clumsy style?

What happened?  Did your innocence stand trial?

Stay in that hell of a denial, I'll walk North for miles.

 

Yeah I feel bad.

I'm tired of feeling like this.

Crown me king of the bad things and dip easy.

I wasn't a bad guy, I never was too sleezy.

A man but still a child, s**t this world is crazy...

 

Stumble down, stumble down,

Land the aircraft you call your body.

I would stay another minute but my game is shoddy.

Stay in your bed till the light shines in.

Don't let the boogy man under your bed win.

 

The package: delivered.

The set: complete.

My brain: unnerved.

My heart: no beats.

Author's Note

She really gave it a poor second effort. HAHA

Reviews

[Poetic Shambles]

Nicely done, nicely done. I think we have all felt like this as some point in life.

A couple of minor points that I think make it read a little better. "A man but still a child, s**t this world is crazy" You need to either add 1 syllable or take away 1 from that line. I was thinking maybe "s**t this world's crazy" or "s**t this cruel world is crazy". As for the final part, I liked it, interesting way to round it all up. I think "My heart: no beats" should go to "My heart: no beat" - I think the singular aspect of the final line will make it read a little better and give it that vicious undertone that comes with singularity. Either way good piece and you know that I very rarely review anything these days.

[TAO]

It is what it is, isn't it? NIce work, nice flow.

[StacyPerry]

There are certain things that are common place within your writings...please send me a few more so I can figure out just what it is that is standing out to me hun.

Interesting write btw.

[CrashDavis47]

Love it zack your style always keeps me off balance and takes me places i dont expect.

[Dushyant Thadani]

Another one of your works that got me completely entertained. It was simple, raw and fresh. Great work.

[NoneOfYourBusiness akaK..]

straightforward unwinding without flinching~ you serve it up as it is in all its raw and painful splendor and turn it into verse to which many will relate~

[India Brooks]

I love this- it's so modern and blunt. The line "Stay in that hell of a denial, I'll walk North for miles." particularly stood out to me- the emotions in this are strong and harsh and therefore make a great poem :D Well done!

[Coyote Poetry]

The poem speak with honest words. Guilt can overtake us for a time. In the end. The pain must become a lesson to built on. I like the complete poem. The last paragraph was direct and to the point. A excellent poem.
Coyote