Miserable Mirror

A poem about depression.

I lingered on the wet tile 

My gaze met that of a stranger 

I forged a petty smile 

As my gut pervaded with anger 

Water dripped down my face to my feet 

A puddle formed, I only ignored it 

My true self had been faced with defeat 

I threw my life away, ripped and tore it 

I walked out of the bathroom  

Walked into my bedroom 

Am I too quick to assume 

My life cannot re-bloom? 

I slope down by the keyboard 

And outline a mellow tune 

I have no spirit restored 

So I float off like a balloon 

I return to the mirror 

I return to the stranger 

Nothing seems clear 

Except my soles danger 

Author's Note

Critiques welcome!

Reviews

[Craba]

i really love the last stanza the best, this is one amazing read.
I can feel the emotions roll through.

[CLUTZ]

Pretty good. But I think it could be revised a little bit. It doesn't hit as hard as it could, there's emotion there but lines like "I lingered on the wet tile," and "I walked out of the bathroom," or "I return to the mirror" make it seem like you're forcing it at times. It's like you're building up to the emotion and the pain and you're doing really good and then you stop. I don't know if it's because you're stuck on trying to keep your rhyme scheme or not but if that's the reason try to write more freely without the rhyming and see how that works. This is good though, I hope I didn't come off as harsh or mean. I did like it a lot but I think it could be better.

[Trillian]

Don't worry, I like harsh. I'm really bad at reviewing because I can never be critical so it's nice when others can help me improve. I will be sure to work on it. Thanks!

[CLUTZ]

No problem. I tend to be very blunt without thinking so I try to make sure I don't offend anybody.

[Reneé H]

Wow, you captured the sorrow and strain of life beautifully. I can definitely relate to every feeling described here, but the language is so eloquent! It is the perfect combination of being relatable and being uniquely yours. I think the rhyme scheme is really good too!

[Trillian]

Thank You!

[ms. barrie]

Full of sorrow, i for one can relate to, we've all felt that way, been in that dark place. I love the rhythm and flow and imagery this poem conveys. Mirrors tell the truth, they never lie and when you're in such a state as this...you really do see a stranger because you do not want to be in that place, yet, at that moment you're eyes are reflected in that moment/feeling you're in. This is a great write, written with such poignant eloquence that matches with the meter, the rhythm and flow. Thanks for sharing something so personal, perhaps some of us in that same place will no longer feel alone.

[Trillian]

Thank you for taking the time to read it and I'm glad you enjoyed it.