Man's worst enemy

All war and genocide is for material reasons

Why, the worst enemy of man is man
for man has subdued everything else
Fear not the tiger, fear the murderer's plan
Just hearken well to what history yells!

At times twas jingoism, at times a rancorous desire to do harm
Fear just man's malice and his ugly evil
If his dagger blow fails, he'll get you by black magic charm
His heart and mind alone well shelter the devil.

For how many fall prey to lions or snakes
one could even count them on fingers
Man invented a cure for smallpox but missiles too he makes
and he mercilessly kills without harbingers.

Man invented as many things for his destruction and harm
as he did for his benefit and good
He's inventor of bombs as well as tractors on the farm
And doesn't he detest acting as he should?

Man alone is behind the bloodiest of bloodshed
The angels too had foreseen his wars and battles
From the gory battlefield to the humble homestead
with the shrieks of murder our earth forever rattles!

Close your doors and your home secure
not to deter beasts, but to lock out the robber, the thief
For no greater danger than man lurks there for sure
Fear not the fierce bull, that you can turn into beef!

Wild beasts might be known to gobble us up
but isn't man as well found to be a cannibal?
Gosh, humans too on human flesh do sup
Man tis far more fearsome than any poor animal.

The greatest enemy of man thus is man himself
How much blood has he ruthlessly spilt of his own kind
Look out for the bottle of poison on his shelf
Till the deed is done, no knowing what goes on in his mind.

Young ladies refrain from venturing out at night
How now, what do they so fear?
They fear nothing but assault by man's might.
So rarely are they stalked by a grizzly bear!

Fortunately for us, this ain't how it always ends
man can always be the best of friends
So we can still count more on buddies and cronies
instead of focusing on foes and fiends.

For man he can be a hero and saviour
if judicious he is about right and wrong behaviour.

Besides if any religiön's allowed to foretell
the end of ALL killers and murderers
is that inferno of divine wrath we all know as hell!
©

Reviews

[FlatDaddy]

Oh, my friend, you have asked for my review after you said such nice things about me, and I strive for honesty, so ...
You have a great command of language, and you speak with truth as your backstop. You praise and condemn us for being what we are -- and that is no secret-- and you do it well, but I am puzzled by your method of construction, and it bothers me, i.e,
You begin with a rhyme scheme of a, b, a, b in four-line stanzas. Nothing wrong with that, and you continue with it -- then abandon it completely at the end. And I am bothered by no meter to this piece. It is easy to build rhyme when one doesn't adhere to structure, so why bother in the first place? Think, for instance, how Poe's poem, "The Raven" would sound if he had placed more words/syllables in random lines within the poem, and/or added lines? The entire piece would be destroyed.

You have an impressive command of language, and passion, and much to say. But I would have enjoyed this so much more if you had abandoned your efforts to rhyme and just gone with the feeling and meaning you wanted to express. Of course, you could have gone the other way and built the piece with strict meter and rhyme structure, again, as Poe did in the greatest example of that style one could find. Which is extremely difficult to do.

I do not wish to offend, only to help. I can only see things through my personal views and experiences, so I see/do things differently than most. I wish you well, and if you want me to read and review other works by you, please ask.

FD

[S.zaynab.kamoonpury]

Thanks much for your constructive criticism, actually english is only my second language so i can't follow strict meters and rhyme schemes and even western poets have come to enjoy my medley of forms/ meter as my rhythm and rhyme follows my muse rather than vice versa like professional conventional poets. So i have to say what i need to say and don't understand well what's syllable count or meter exactly, i mean my poems can have blends of couplers, quatrains, triolets, as per muse demand. Trust me you can try to enjoy it as some kind of innovative eastern blend for i just can't change my style. I'd rather poets focus more on my theme and content than flow or meter/ form.

[FlatDaddy]

Well, I am from the U.S, where we drive on the right; if I were to drive in England, I would be obliged to drive on the left, regardless of how I might see the road or want to see it. If I don't want to do that, I can always take a bus, hitchhike, or just walk.

Peace, my friend.

FD

[FlatDaddy]

On rereading this, perhaps I should have asked if you have read Poe's "The Rave." It would help, I think, to explain what I mean.

[FlatDaddy]

Grrr. "The Raven" I lost the last letter somewhere along the line.

[S.zaynab.kamoonpury]

Yeah thanks i have read it recently its a professional perfect rhyme scheme, i can try to do that but i might have to sacrifice my content which won't work for me. I will still try. Thanks,

[FlatDaddy]

For you to do well, in English, you might be better suited to work in free verse, therefore freeing you from the restrictions of what I will just call, "rhyming poetry." I almost always use free verse myself because I write mostly in odd forms of my own construction. I do have structure in my pieces, but to me, the physical "look" of a piece is an important part of the poem overall -- dependant upon several factors: 1. What is being said, 2. How it is being said. 3. Why it is being said 4. Unknowns (found only at the time of writing).

I hope this can help you; you certainly do NOT want to sacrifice content for the purpose of adhering to what feels like an arbitrary and/or even a capricious rhyme scheme or structure.

Best of luck to you! And thanks again for your review of "I Know Why ..."
FD

[S.zaynab.kamoonpury]

Free verse is actually more difficult for me, its advanced mod poetry but i do try it sometimes.

[FlatDaddy]

Well, you obviously have much to say and the words with which to say it. Why not try writing as you have been (as in the piece above that started all this), but forget about rhyming. If what you say does rhyme, fine; if not, that is fine, as well. Go for it! Then get back to me, I'll be happy to take a look -- if you like.

[ETERNITY]

S.zaynab.kamoonpury, Wow! You are amazing with your detail and memory from history! Lions and tigers and bears! Oh my!
Seriously. You mention so many relevant facts and have them rhyme in such beauty!
I agree with my friend, FlatDaddy, 'You have great command of language.' And, yes, truth.
Some poems begin to sound hum drum after the first couple of stanzas...This is just awesome!

[S.zaynab.kamoonpury]

Warm thanks for such wonderful feedback, lovely soul.😍

[ETERNITY]

Have a great Christmas!

[Chris]

Chuckling here... a fair depiction of our ongoing social structure and cultural mores.

[S.zaynab.kamoonpury]

Thanks so much for great review,

[Carrie]

Good day. I enjoyed this poem.

[S.zaynab.kamoonpury]

Warm thanks for feedback,

[Carola]

hi zaynab,
very true words about man... depressingly, his behaviour hasn't improved much since cain murdered able.
(remember, he also destroys wildlife & the environment, in addition to other humans !)

hope you won't be offended by my suggestion, but the only line I would shorten slightly & make it flow better is the 1st line of 4th last stanza, "The poor young lady refrains from venturing out at night "
I would make it plural, 'coz it would be more than just one lady❗️ ....& when you write about 'man', well that's plural.

to read ➤➤ 'Poor young ladies refrain from venturing out at night'
then you would also need to change the singular "she" to plural 'they'
also word ending changes.. "does" to 'do'
"fears" to 'fear'
"is she" to 'are they'

cheerio carola

[S.zaynab.kamoonpury]

Warm thanks for comment, constructive edit suggestions, let me do that then. I think it will read better yeah,

[Carola]

thank you. we agree then.

[Julie McCarthy (juliesp..]

Love this very true
Well done

[S.zaynab.kamoonpury]

Warm thanks for comment,

[Curly Grace]

The poem is both a condemnation and a cautionary tale. It reminds us that humanity’s greatest threat is not external but internal.

[S.zaynab.kamoonpury]

Warm thanks for feedback,

[Curly Grace]

always. I find that reading beautiful language, regardless of the topic, calms my soul. keep writing YOU.

[S.zaynab.kamoonpury]

Take care, your words are lovely.

[Arundass TP]

Nicely written very deep meaningful poem. Excellent 👌

[S.zaynab.kamoonpury]

Thanks so much for the review,

[Michael Sun Bear]

I rarely attempt writing in meter and rhyme; I am not good at it. I find myself weakening my own use of language by substituting new wording for original wording in search of rhyme. I usually just write free form which allows me to express myself more powerfully and creatively. I share FlatDaddy’s point that it may have been better to simply go with your feeling and meaning with no attempt at rhyme. Your strong feelings about your subject matter certainly come through, and you are to be applauded for tackling a very serious subject, but I think you risk your readers losing interest as the poem is quite long and with each stanza you aren’t really saying anything new, just repeating your basic theme over and over. You are all over the place, actually sounding frivolous in places which surely you don’t wish considering the seriousness of your message. My gosh, we have tigers, lions, snakes, wild beasts, grizzly bears as just one example of what I am trying to get at. Cannibals even in addition to killers, murderers and implied racists, robbers thieves. Buddies, cronies, heroes, saviors, even angels. Using slang like “ain’t” also detracts from the seriousness of your theme. I would love to see you rewrite this with fewer stanzas, fewer examples, no rhyming, just your very best examples with your strongest wording. I thought you were going to say something really interesting about the angels. I personally would enjoy seeing that explored/explained in more detail, that would be something really fresh in my day to day reading of poetry.

[S.zaynab.kamoonpury]

Hi woah you're just repeating the criticism that 3 others already gave, but this poem actually is not repetitive at all, the only issue with this poem is that one stanza is not matching in form and meter that's all. Anyway thanks for feedback, trust me other poets repeat themselves a real boring way, i don't.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

I get a little conscience of the form with this piece, but I was able to keep a construct of the theme as well.
And there are a great many truths in this...man IS his own worst enemy...and his need for power and control is like a poem controlled by meter and rhyme that can't shake itself free.
In this case the form adds to the meaning.
This poem is one that can lead to much discussion on both sides.
j.

[S.zaynab.kamoonpury]

Thanks soo much for your awesome comment, indeed your unfettered poetic soul realises how my eastern poetry in english can't help being so feral and meandering like a river, to some that will be a weakness but for some an enjoyable change even if weird and maverick like.
Regards super poet

[emmajoygreen]

Perhaps blame it all on the serpent in that famous garden where men were villains from the start. Then decide if perhaps women were either supposed to clear up the mess or as many women do, make it worse!

(Please note that I dislike sitting on a fence and trying to seem fair; thus on this occassion will give both sides a hearing!)

[S.zaynab.kamoonpury]

Yeah man, indeed dear , satan is to blame from the start and when man heeds the devil then he's blameable too.
Warm thanks for fab comment worth pondering.

[emmajoygreen]

It's good and logical to catch someone's thought or feeling.. one can always learn something new rather than always travel the same route. Yes? No?

[S.zaynab.kamoonpury]

Yes very true, different perspectives enlighten us all the more.