Be choosy about change

The phrase goes "old is gold"
And this old adage indeed
Todate water it holds
For the 'good old days'
had some good old ways

So I'd rather not exchange
old lamps for new,
lest I suffer as in Aladdin's tale
and loose everything of value

For if I lose my old lamps
I've no genie to restore my loss
So beware of modernist shams.
Don't let change be your boss

History's medieval days
of extended families
when elders were revered
both for stories and homilies.
They passed on oral tradition
And cultural sensibilities

We should try gauge what better be preserved
So olden values are granted the respect deserved.

For some 'olds' are such pure golds
that like gold they never
fade or catch moulds,
Likewise some traditions
are such real treasure,
You can't leave them behind
to the past generation
in return for surface new pleasure

Or it would be soil or
rather soul erosion
Pray keep some golden old mores
from such corrosion...

Change for the better,
not for the worse
Assess and
analyze any new thing
first.

Ah, the old old mores
they might seem such bores
but it's they which make
the best folklores!

Reviews

[Davidgeo]

You have a good message, you're doing it with too many words.

(Jayg is cunty, ignore him. He's a performative critique artist. It's pathetic and we should shun him.)

There's nothing wrong with this outside of overwriting your point. Word economy baby... think of that phrase when you write. Don't really change anything, just be more efficient with how you vomit the words out of your brain.

[S.zaynab.kamoonpury]

Oh another constructive criticism, im actually surprised that i didn't get this criticism all these decades of writing, i tend to be over wordy, i paraphrase a lot, i just can't stop doing it, its like a bad addiction,. But I will still try to fix that, sometimes i get carried away with how it rhymes or for clarity sake explanation . But trust me there are longer poems by others and some are too complex to be understood at least by me. Its a must for me to be succinct crystal clear with my points.
And thanks so much for the kind support with what you said about Jay,

[Davidgeo]

Everyone does it. Don't worry. It's not necessarily bad to be wordy, but, most of the time we make it worse with more words. It's a human thing... none of us really know when to shut the f**k up when it counts.

[S.zaynab.kamoonpury]

Yeah but i feel im more wordy than many others, even if others have longer poems. I really should try to fix that more. Cheers,

[ETERNITY]

cunty?.......

[Davidgeo]

Yes, Cunty

[ETERNITY]

Hi, you are a poetess...I read your bio.
Bukowski "vomited" words.
Write what you feel.
Ignore bad reviews.
You're awesome.

[S.zaynab.kamoonpury]

Hii, yeah i have heard about bukowski, what yeh mean he vomited words? He was good right? Warmest thanks for telling me to ignore bad reviews. Means a lot to me. Take care,

[ETERNITY]

I'd read Davidgeo's comment. You have two choices: write what YOU wany or write what is dictated to you. I write what I want. You cannot please ALL the people ALL the time. Good wishes and Happy Holidays!

[S.zaynab.kamoonpury]

Warm thanks for the powerful advice beautiful poetess, i always forget that we can't please everyone.

[Fabian G. Franklin]

I don't think every age of history has been so gracious as the last hundred and fifty years to mankind. Many things are much better for people. But in the last three decades I've witnessed an unprecedented moral and intellectual decline in the general population...it seems mankind reached his pinnacle and went sliding down the other side into the gutter. When my daughter entered 4th grade at a brick and mortar school they thought she was a genius. Straight As...but that's not the case. It's just the standard of modern education in America is so slack as to make an ordinary student seem extraordinary. It's not the schools I blame as much as the collapse of the cohesive family unit though. Parents should take an active role in the education of their kids. In this family we read and write early. ;)

[S.zaynab.kamoonpury]

So nice to meet poets who extol the cohesive family unit, yes those are one of those things this poem is implying.
Nice to know how you care about your daughter. Thanks for fine review,

[Chris]

Seems the desire for "The Good Old Days" IS passed down generation-by-generation. The reason - those days are what the people are familiar with, they learned how to "deal" within their generation, its biases, societal cultures and mores. Cultural change brings about division and a lack of stability.

The times for venerated elders passed with the growing lifespans of each continuing generation and the societal changes that were inflicted upon the people. Oral traditions faded as books, recordings, and education availability became the norm. We lost our heritage as the victors changed our history.

Now to this poem - It is relevant, and carries its arguments well. The rhyme scheme is a bit hit and miss and stanza line format is 'broken' in places.

[S.zaynab.kamoonpury]

Thanks so much for eloquent great feedback poet, yeah actually i wasn't vouching for oral tradition as much as respect of elders and listening to their stories, .
As for my rhyme scheme and format it just can't be conventional and professional but i will make sure it is not boring and commonplace as that's more my ability talent according to other poets.
I accept your constructive criticism gratefully and wil try to.improve as much as i can though.

[Chris]

You're standing your ground and THAT is a good thing. See ya later!

[S.zaynab.kamoonpury]

Ok.i edited it as per suggestions, tried to remove the superfluous repetitive lines as well. That's all i could manage.

[John the Baptist]

I take this offering not as a rejection of change, for change is an irrevocable part of life, but as a plea for the preservation of that which is valuable in the past. Radical rejection of the past results in the loss of wisdom learned through hard experience. Do not be bogged down in the past, but neither reject it out of hand.

[S.zaynab.kamoonpury]

Oh yes poet John you're absolutely right at how you summed it and added to its gist, we can't throw the baby out with the bath water yeahh , so we shouldn't discard all old traditions, never change for worse yes, , thanks soo much for great comment,

[JayG]

•"water it still does hold."

Did Yoda write this? Seriously, twisting the line to rhyme is always a mistake, because it's the thought being expressed that matters. The rhyme is an accent. So never sacrifice the thought for the rhyme.

• lest I suffer as in Aladdin's tale and loose everything of value

Did you ever read the actual story of Aladdin? At the end, in the original and all the following versions, he ends up On his father--in-law's throne. And even within the tale, he always retains the magic ring, and so never loses everything.

• I'm no professional or conventional at writing poetry.

That's fixable, and neither a virtue nor an excuse. Poets have been expanding and refining the skills of poetry for thousands of years. No way on hell can you, or anyone, take the nonfiction writing skills we’re given in school to ready us for employment, and keep from falling into the traps that poets learned to avoid long ago. Universities offer poetry-related degree programs, and library shelves are filled with books on writing poetry. Would that be true if we could successfully write poetry with our limited school-day writing skills?

It’s not a matter of talent or potential. It’s that like most of us, you’ve fallen into the common trap of assuming that we learned to write in school, and universal, because writing-is-writing. But-it’s-not.

So…. For an upgrade to your metrical poetry, trythe excerpt from Stephen Fry’s, The Ode Less Traveled, on Amazon. He will amaze you with things about language you use every day but never notice.

And for poetry in general, Mary Oliver’s, A Poetry Handbook is an absolute gem, and filled with interesting insights.

But whatever you do, hang in there and keep on writing. It never gets easier, but with work, we can become confused on a higher level.

[Davidgeo]

please stfu jay

[JayG]

Still trolling in the threads of others, I see.

I could make you vanish with the push of a button. But knowing that someone is gnashing their teeth, and looking at every thread to see if I commented, helps me sleep.

My granddaughter calls you "That moron.

My daughter's not that kind.

[Davidgeo]

Hush now Jay. shhhhhhhh

[Davidgeo]

Also, I'd love to see you have me "disappeared" with a push of button. No one's buyin' that bullshit kiddo. Are you pretending to be Charlie tonight? F*****g loser.

[Davidgeo]

"I could make you vanish with the push of a button." but I'm still here... have you figured out why people have ZERO respect for you? Why you are just a local loser lol cow? Yeah... have me "disappeared" with a push of button. Let me guess, you voted for Donald Trump and you live in a maga fantasy.

[Davidgeo]

Is ICE coming to get me Jay? You suck on so many levels.

[S.zaynab.kamoonpury]

Hi Jay, your name sounds indian but im not sure you are, anyway lets analyse your comment which for the most part seems constructive criticism, but lets discuss it at length. Firstly, whose yoda? Yeah that first stanza needs editing, will do that to better the rhyme as in it shouldn't sound forced. I usually never sacrifice for rhyme yeah, .
And of course i read Aladdin's tale, so let me try to get your point without dismissing it as biased nitpicking, .
So Aladdin did lose everything when jaamine exchange his old lamp for new, and then the genie restored everything only when he got the old lamp back. Now now thats why i said if we lose our good old traditions we won't have a genie to restore them.
And trust me i and most poets have neither time nor resources to take up poetry wtiting courses. I actually didn't even learn much poetry in school, i learnt only by reading poems in books at home. And to enjoy my poetry you have to focus more on literary fun , content and poetic license than rhyme syllable count , meter and flow though sometimes i really get all that right too.
I try very hard to make my points and not be boring and use literary devices which do entertain readers despite it not being conventional professional poetry. And there are english poets who actually appreciate that i don't usually make grammatical and literary mistakes that many non english poets make, and that my vocab choice is interesting. So i hope you will always consider that and still give me constructive criticism, its actually nice for a change. Thanks for your time writing that long comment,

[JayG]

• Hi Jay, your name sounds indian but im not sure you are,

That statement, in and of itself, reveals a problem that interferes with your writing. You need develop the habit of research. Had you looked at my bio here, my picture is a bit dated, but it would have answered that question. Had you looked at my posted poetry, you'd know if I follow my own advice, and, if the result says it’s good or bad advice from your viewpoint. Had you looked on Amazon you’d have found my 30 novels.

My point? Had you dug into the skills the pros use when writing poetry I’d have been complimenting your skills. In other words, don’t guess. The only writing skills we were given in school are those needed by employers: reports, letters, and other nonfiction.

• Firstly, whose yoda?

Again, research, research, research. Had you typed that name into your browser you’d know. The Star Wars series of films and TV series are so popular, world-wide I’m surprised you didn’t know the name. Try the first one Star Wars: A New Hope (which is listed as episode 4). It’s a classic.

That aside, Yoda has a habit of speaking “backward.” As in: "Patience you must have, my young Padawan," and, "Powerful you have become, the dark side I sense in you." And, "water it still does hold." 😁

• So Aladdin did lose everything when jaamine exchange his old lamp for new, and then the genie restored everything only when he got the old lamp back.

He didn’t “lose everything, because he still had the magic ring. And the genie didn’t get things back for him, The genie was doing HIS bidding. And in any case the loss was irrelevant, because it was temporary, And, he still had the love of the princess, which is significant.

• And trust me i and most poets have neither time nor resources to take up poetry wtiting courses

I can’t agree. I took no courses in either poetry or fiction. I didn’t have the time or resources.

Instead, I grabbed the best books on the subject I could find. There are lots of ways to acquire the knowledge you need. The library has lots of books on the subject. And didn't I suggest two books on the subject? As my mother used to say to me: “You’re giving me excuses, not reasons.” 😂

Writing poetry does NOT make the author a poet. If it did, every kid with a pen, who can rhyme Moon and June is a poet. We can no more declare ourselves a poet without learning even the basics of how it’s written, than declare ourself to be an artist without knowledge of that field. In general, you’re a poet when your fans call you one.

• I actually didn't even learn much poetry in school,

Nor did you learn much about writing fiction, designing computers or any other profession—which is my point: It is a profession. They’ve been figuring out how to make it work for centuries.Make use of that. Learn the tricks the pros feel are necessaryand you stand on the shoulders of giants. Skip that and you’re guessing.

You can sample the Stephen Fry book on Amazon, and you can download the Mary Oliver book from the link below:

https://dokumen.pub/a-poetry-handbook-0156724006.html

Try a chapter for two for fit.

- - - - - - - -

And again, sorry for the moron who invaded your thread. He's in all respects a petulant child, one who uses the anonymity of the internet to behave like one.

I shouldn't bait him as I do, but it is fun poking him, then watching him dance.

[S.zaynab.kamoonpury]

Gah come on Jay, not knowing your background interfering with my writing lol,, yeah actually i knew you were a westerner but just said it coz jay is also a nane Indians have as well. Trust me i would research you eventually as i have done now.
And yes i learned  poetry via books alone ..
Ok i didn't know yoda coz i haven't watched all of star wars, my kids probably did, its too boring long for me as is Titanic,  i enjoyed only 'Home alone' and The Message,  you haven't watched those perhaps,  very popular them too. I watched and liked but couldn't finish  the series, The bold, and the beautiful 'The' black orchid,',  have short attention span and less time, busy life u know. I watched a bit of bollwood movies like chachi 450 my fav. And  the one with 786 Amitabh bacchan one.
And i am actually a self made researcher,  just more into facts than fiction or science fiction .
Ok about Aladdin,  point is he got everything back only with the old lamp restored, the princess wouldn't have stayed with him without all that luxury pehaps😉☺️, .
And i repeat i read a lot of professional poetry in the past , even AI does that, but if I tried to write such professional conventional poetry i would not be clear  esp to non english readers and not so enjoyable or taken seriously as to matter and content and i would sound so commonplace,  while i want to be unique in topic and style.
And trust me my rhyming is not simple like the poem roses are red, violets are blue,  so my readers on so many international sites call me a poetess so im ok even if not professional and conventional.
As for giants you must be referring to archaic poets like Shakespeare and Frost, but believe me so many are telling me rhyming is actually outmoded and freeverse is the new preferred mode of poetry, i should learn even from you that then,  i read one yours,  its too fabulous , grand!!
i have already tried free verse on other international poetry sites and it was admired lots.
I will post them here in sequence. I think you will like those more yeah.
As for u calling another poet a moron come on Jay be nice even if you feel your poetry is better than all.
I see you critique everyone, actually you nitpick,  which is fine with me, but others won't like it.

[Davidgeo]

You are such an embarrassment Jay. You're lucky you don't have any self awareness. If you didn't have your online pretend writer fantasy you'd very likely be clinically depressed to the point of institutionalization and/or self harm. Stay unaware Jay... your mental health depends upon it.

[Carola]

hello, excellent topic, & i thoroughly agree with your viewpoint.
i really enjoyed reading your poem.
cheerio carola

[S.zaynab.kamoonpury]

Warmest thanks for great lovely comment, take care,

[red93]

Very interesting Piece SZK - and indeed with age can come wisdom. Really Excellent ✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️

[S.zaynab.kamoonpury]

Thanks soo much for gracious comment,

[DoormanDan]

You speak true words here in a catchy sing-song manner that benefits from its simplicity. Well written. You're right, it's sometimes better to appreciate your roots and keep hold of your old!

[S.zaynab.kamoonpury]

Thanks so much for great comment, by ild traditions i was esp implying respect of elders esp parents, family togetherness which are time old traditions of all races and ethnicities mostly. Regards,

[S.zaynab.kamoonpury]

*old typo , gosh can't edit comments,