Chapter One

He leaned back in his chair--no, throne--and sighed.  Today was the anniversary of what some might call the day he became a man, but to him it was the day he became a monster.  With eyebrows slanted downwards in resignation, he stared at the cup in his hand.  Wine.  Nothing else, after all, would be suitable for such an event.  While others might see it as celebration, all he wanted to do was drown all of his memories in a burgundy ocean of intoxication. It was a rather fitting color for the liquid, he thought bitterly, fitting indeed.

 

After all, today marked the anniversary of the first day that he had spilled the blood of an innocent.

 

Echoing footsteps and a timid cough startled him, briefly shaking him out of his wallowing of self-pity. "E-excuse me, Yo-your Majesty." The words that flooded out of the attendant's mouth were saturated with both anxiety and fear. 

 

He knew what today was, too.

 

The prince, who had pulled himself together into an honest effort of polite indifference, narrowed his eyes in anger. However, it was with a strangled, pained sound that he turned back to his goblet and melancholy musings.

 

"Your majesty," the attendant repeated, having pulled himself together into a quite remarkable--if still meek--portrayal of composure. "The forei--Erm, Second Lieutenant Ifelya has requested an audience with you."

 

A flicker of something crossed the prince's face, and if the attendant hadn't known better, he would have guessed it to be...surprise? Happiness? But no, there was no way. And besides, the face slipped back into impassivity not a moment later, leaving him to wonder if he had only imagined it in the first place.

 

"I don't feel like seeing anyone," the prince stated in a loud and matter-of-fact voice. "So tell her to go away." He looked towards the door grumpily before adding, "And double the guard at the door, too."

 

Puzzled but obedient, the attendant gave a stiff bow and retreated.  As the heavy wooden door scraped closed, the prince could hear the muted voice of the attendant passing the command to the squad leader on guard duty.  Finally, alone once more, he leaned back into the cushions and closed his eyes.

 

"Well, that wasn't very nice," a voice commented dryly.

 

With a small yelp, the prince straightened and looked around before locking in on a small figure struggling to pull herself over the window ledge.  More than slightly ruffled, he responded gruffly, "Well, I'm not exactly a nice person. Or have you already forgotten what today is?"

 

"Today?" She froze, perched on the window sill, and looked at him blankly.

 

"Err..." She looked sheepishly down at the ground.  "Well, that would be...um...oh!" Her eyes widened in surprise before narrowing and looking at him slyly.  "I didn't know you were so sentimental."

 

"Excuse me? I haven't the faintest idea what you are babbling about. Today, as anyone in their right mind would know, is the anniversary of the day that--"

 

"We met! Oh, isn't it wonderful?!" She gave a loud, over-exaggerated sigh and gazed out into the distance.

 

The prince blinked.

 

"What?! But it hasn't even been a--"

 

"Year? Yeah, yeah, I know.  That's what your lousy, good-for-nothing chef told me, too, or I woulda brought you a cake." She glanced in the general direction of the kitchen and muttered something under her breath.  The prince was too far to hear, but judging from her expression of annoyance, he could guess.

 

"Well of course he wouldn't have given you anything." He spoke slowly, as if she were having difficulty understanding him. Despite the agitation showing in his voice, he enjoyed mocking her. "It's been exactly six days."

 

"Actually, if you wanted to be exact, it's been six and a half.  But that's beside the point." She peeled the smile off her face, and her tone became serious.  "Are you going to spend the entire day just sulking?"

 

"And if I do?" he snapped, his voice rising. He could feel her watching him, judging him, and he did not like it.

 

"If you so much as try," she responded coolly, "I will make you wish that you had never decided to take a stroll exactly six and a half days ago.  Now get up, stop wallowing in self pity, and go see the Cresian ambassador.  You're going to make him epileptic if you don't go see him, making him think you're going to close the northern trading routes and all."

 

The prince winced, but made no effort to move.

 

A few minutes passed before he finally raised his head and looked her in the eyes.  Almost immediately, he wished he hadn't. The cold, commanding glare that was almost more than he could manage; it was certainly more demanding than anyone had dared to be to him in years.  His eyes flitted away from her face, and with one final grumble of reluctance, he stood up and left.

 

Author's Note

Please, I'd love any advice you have. I really want to make my writing better, not have my ego petted, so the more truthful, the better. Thanks :)

Reviews

[Weaver]

no comma after "but to him"
"It was a rather fitting color for the liquid, he thought bitterly, fitting indeed." - nice foreshadowing
"Your Majesty" should be capitalized
You use the word "however" a lot.
The viewpoint shifts all over the place, from the prince to the attendant and back. Viewpoint shifts don't really work within a single scene - see if you can rewrite this to keep it to only one POV.
"a loud, astute, and matter-of-fact voice"- delete "astute" - it doesn't fit
no comma after "Puzzled"
comma after "perched on the window sill"
"well, that would be" - "Well"
leave a space after ellipses (...)
no comma after "widened in surprise"
"Well of course" - comma after "Well"
I feel like there's a lot more that could be done with this scene. I know you don't want to reveal too much of the story too soon - and I agree with that - but you could still develop what you DO reveal here. Give more detail, flesh out the setting and the characters, that sort of thing. And be careful with the viewpoint shifts.