Chapter 4: Parents

“-But with the diamond smuggling trade continuing around the world, it all makes you wonder: What will do they do next? -“

 

I looked at the time: 2 o’clock. S**t. I quickly switched off the radio and signed into my laptop. Once my screen had loaded, I clicked on the ‘Zoom’ and called ‘Dad’: A seconds later, his ear appeared on the screen.

 

“Hi Dad! Are you there?”

 

There was a pause and then a voice crackled from the other end of the line:

 

“Yes. I’m here. Where are you?”

 

“You’ve got the camera to your ear Dad. Put it in front of your face”

 

His camera blurred away from his ear and settled in front of his face

 

“Ah! There you are!”, he exclaimed, squinting into his camera; Despite being told countless times by his optician and my Mum to wear his glasses, my dad point-blank refuses to even admit their existence.

 

“hello! Now about this-“

 

“oh, where have you gone?”, Dad cut in.

 

I put my head in my hands and groaned: I didn’t even need to ask Dad what he had done, I already knew.

 

“Reopen the tab Dad”, I said, feigning calm.

“Ay? What did you say?”

“Re-open the tab!”, I shouted into the screen, so loudly that Gimli fell off my lap.

I took a deep breath and composed myself.

“Right, would you be able to find the answer to this clue?:

‘Bottom Grain Joint In Oblivion’ “

“Ya what?”

“Bottom Grain Joint In- you know what. I’ll just-“, I opened my emails and sent Dad the clue: saves a lot of headaches, “I’ve sent it to your email Dad, is that alright?”

“Yes, thank you, I’ll have a think. Now, if that’s all-“

I heard my mum cough that either shows that she’s annoyed or she is trying to get someone to say something. My Dad nodded to his left, then turned back to the camera:

“Your mum and I are wondering if you are coming up to our for Christmas?”

Family Christmas? Never again. Not after last year, when I got overly competitive playing Monopoly and inadvertently ended up in A&E with my niece for the rest of the day. But I suppose it might help Mum and Dad.

“Yes sure. I’d love to come!”, I lied

“Brilliant!”, Mum suddenly burst onto the screen, out of nowhere, “I’ll text you with the details. Now, about boyfriends, you can bring one if you’d like but-“

“Oh no! Is that the time? Must be off”, I lied again: I needed to escape.

“Darling…”, her voice rung with stern disapproval

“Bye!”, I slammed down the laptop screen without exiting the call before my mum could lecture me about relationships. Parents: only want to be there when you don’t want them to be, a bit like people in general really. Although, I can’t lie about the fact that I feel sorry for my parents: both of their children have moved away, and they don’t have enough money to separate and live the lives they’ve always wanted to live, so they’re both stuck in a s****y village, on the outskirts of Northampton bored to the point of insanity. I wonder if I’ll end up like that, if I even live that long.