Paint over it

suck
each little toe tenderly
 kiss the soles of your feet
you can kick me in the face
or hold my hand
I’ll be waiting to drown
in your dirt as you work out
what you want and I eye
the lines on your palm-
 throw me a crumb and I’ll live
for a week or
two

 

Cut
a chunk of flesh to chew
from my arm as I run my fingers
through your hair and
trace fairy tales in
body fluid around your back,
grateful

Reviews

[caesarkreshen]

supsupsup.

This is what I will say:

I like the beginning. I think that you could make a stanza break after hand.

I would say that "for a week or two" is weaker. I wonder if you could just say, "And I'll live" and leave it like that. Something that would indicate needing more crumbs, maybe.

The cut, when compared to suck, is not as powerful. Especially because you say a chunk of flesh to chew. It's much less surprising than little toes. Could even be rearranged. Chewy? I don't know.

I like the idea of tracing in bodily fluid even though it's pretty raunchy. It works. I think it ends prematurely, nopun!

Grateful isn't where it should end, IMO.

[Commander S.T]

this specific one draws my attention because its like your telling how you would survive even though its not going to be a Happily Ever After

[Searching 4 Serenity]

Not exactly what this is about, but it sounds like unnecessary pain for an appreciation or love.
And now I'm thinking of the endless drama people out there love. Oh, the cruelty

[rt farris]

pain may be the price we pay for living, but must it be this high for loving? your piece makes the question inevitable and the answer unknowable. thanks for sharing.

[...]

. painful ... but exquisite poetry ... "trace fairy tales in body fluid around your back, grateful" ... is such a haunting and beautiful image ... outstanding work, my friend ... no matter how much the pain ... you always see beauty in it and bring out the beauty in it ... you're spectacular ... and you're my hero ... and always will be ...