Sinking

Gravity sinks me weightless

While my dreams are buoyant

As the ocean devours

My happiness.

 

The blue is black,

The coldness burns

And I'm charred

By the force of water.

 

I'm hemmed in,

My chest can't move

And each bubble of breath

Takes a molecule of my life.

 

The sun is cold above,

The light that pierces water

Grows fainter,

Grows fainter.

Reviews

[Frieda P]

Really like the juxtaposition of the cold burn feel and being charred within this emotion, interesting concept. That third stanza is outstanding, I could barely catch my bubble of breath.

[Ren Grace]

I love the contrast between fire and water you added in the second verse, It changed the way I viewed sinking would feel like. The poem was eerie and beautifully written. Great read!

[Great Aunt Astri]

Yes, I wonder how many of us have experienced something precious sinking out of sight! I know I have and I can relate to your poem... well written.

[Relic]

Drowning in such a way sounds like a scary proposition. The details here are your strong point. I could sense everything you wrote. Good poem.

[Gleb Zavlanov]

This poem is very striking, and beautiful, and the echoes of the last lines only further resonates the beauty. Very well done!

[DIVYA]

This poem is beautifully thought out, novel and holds attention. Very effective in conveying a state of mind.

[Abdul Aziz]

Thank you for the review :)

[jacob erin-cilberto]

dreams fight for survival...this poem reflects that like sun off of a calm body of water...

and a piece of us dies one at a time...and our heartbeat and will to go after our dreams grow fainter and fainter with each moment.

beautifully put together poem.

[Abdul Aziz]

Thank you for the review Jacob. You got exactly what I wanted to convey.