Intimate Immediate

I tried in a semi-dreaming reality,

To describe your voice and its quality,

But lost my grip on its denouement,

For I find it transcends mortality.

 

It throbs like petulant prose

In search of sweet repose;

It coaxes like the bleeding petals

Of a near thorn-less rose.

 

And in my ears, with great scour

It adumbrates your powers,

Of how you melt the seconds

Into minutes and into hours.

 

How can I so blessed be

To have you talking right to me?

Lost in the outskirts of time

With intimate immediacy.

Reviews

[Hayley]

I sort of agree with the below review... The vocabulary is quite impressive and may take away from the emotional power it could have had, but I think it only reinforced the flow and the excellent rhyme scheme.. The whole piece is well-crafted and I can't pick out my favorite stanza because I love them all! You have an eye for this kind of work; well done!

[Sahar moonlight]

This is one of the finest poems I've read.
The description is so perfect and the relation between lines was awesome.

[Michael X]

the reader percieves the words as a reflection of the author's intention,
and feel the eternal drift, that being an ethereal concept then executed
flow to fit the dreamscape of imagery where time melts like a Dali painitng,
artisticly expressed, this is brilliant work ^_^

[Michael G.]

A well formed, well written piece, Doctor.
Like others here, perhaps you use of language took away from the emotional impact it might have had.
Remember, delivering coldly related facts doesn't present a bedside manner that will win the trust of the patient.
Keep writing, sir. You are indeed very talented.

[Neva Flores Smith - Cha..]

This is beautiful oh how I would love to have someone tell me that my voice has this effect on them.

[AK]

Very nice poem! I agree with both Swami and Hayley. The punctuation is Freya and enhances the flow of the poem along with the brilliant vocabulary. Great write!

[Divinity Sleeps in This]

This was very impressive, you are quite talented. India is producing many original poets these days. Your technique seems very good, the entire piece was coherent and yet rose above the words to create an impression.

Maybe it lacked a bit of emotional power, since it leaned to astoudning vocabulary, but it feels very refined.