'When you were with me'

The sadness and pain through which a lover gies after being separated

When you were with me,
You were the bestest part of my life,
I was happy , cheerful and lively ,

When you were with me ,
You were angel of my dreams ,
You were my inspirations , teacher and heart ,

When you were with me ,
I had everything i needed,
You cared for me which i loved alot ,

When you were with me ,
I use to be sad when you were sad ,
I use to cry saw you crying ,
I loved copying you ......

Now you are not around ,
So i am moron and angry with myself even ...
I had a smile which you took away,

See what you changed ....
I longer belong to myself ,
I longer dream about being with you

But repents why i did so earlier .....
When you were with me ....
I use to love you so much and same as you did ....
But i still love but you not even hell care about
it ......


#VivekKTiwari

Author's Note

it's bascially a freestyle poem, please do read and reviews it .....

Reviews

[Master K-tops]

I like the overall theme. But you do have to work on the accuracy. You have made some mistakes that almost changed the meaning of the poem. Please,do not misunderstand me,your poem is good,really good in fact. But you let carelessness stain the pure white linen of sheer genius which you have beautifully penned here. You can read other poems to boost your writing ability. I recommend witers on this site like Lori Carlson,Muse,Sami Khalil and maybe me(lol). You have it in you,but you have not yet reached it. I am impressed though.
To crown it all,you have the talent,but you really need to work on it. How old are you? Please do not take any offence at my review. I am only trying to help improve your art. I hope you appreciate it.

[Vivek K. Tiwari]

Being offensive ... not at all ... i do thank you alot for reviewing it ... letting me know about my errors . I will surely try to come up with a better piece next time . I will do work on your advice of reading poems .. thanks a lot .... :-)
Vivek

[Laminators Dubai]

its amezing...well writen...i know how it feels....
thak you sooo much for sharing this write...^^

[Vivek K. Tiwari]

thank you so much dear . It's amazing for me that you liked it ...

~Vivek

[Laminators Dubai]

i just had a breakup...
and Im soo happy! o_O XD

[Vivek K. Tiwari]

Oh ... Then it's for you, I guess

[Vikrantsingh]

I felt the pain and grief from this piece. Vivek this is really good.
1: You have hold the attention of reader till the end of this poem.
2: You must read more poems here on WC, that will give you more idea where you made mistake - As i don't point out mistake myself.
3: Learn more - check comments on poems. However, this was very simple piece of writing but it arrested my attention till the end of it. You have very sharp thinking, you need some tuning my friend :)
Loved this one - as this was your 1st attempt - I will give you 100/100.
Best thing here on WC is you will get people who will help you more in term of understanding how to write?
Critics, Not good comments - don't lose hope :).. Long way to go my friend :)
Cheers!
Singh :)

[Vivek K. Tiwari]

thank you so much ......Singh

you have boosted up my potential a lot ..... couldn't find the best review than this ...

basciaally i am new to it and i write free style which comes to my heart and i am not that good at literature .. so.pardon me for my grammer n literature ...

i will soon come up with a bew piece ..soon
Glad you liked it ... thanks for your review again ...

#VivekKTiwari