Frames of the Past

“Maggie, look! Their spring sports haven’t started yet!”

“Most teams have already had their tryouts, Mom. I probably already missed them.”

“You should ask them! You won’t know until you do.”

Moving to a new school for your senior year is difficult enough, even more so in the middle of the year, without your mom breathing down your neck for every minute of it. I know she only wants me to be happy and enjoy my last year of high school, but I wish she would back off a little bit.

“I’ll look for the coach and ask them,” I lie to my Mom. I liked the team that I was on at my old high school; I don’t want to get to know a new team, especially after last season. After losing State last year, I haven’t even been able to look at my gear. I don’t want to have to work through the fear and anxiety of bowling again with all new people. They don’t deserve that negativity.

“Okay, be sure to let me know when you get home! I love you; I’ll see you after work.”

“Love you too, Mom.”

Grateful to be alone for the first time this morning, I wander the halls in search of my first class of the day. Mom gets transferred a lot with her job, so It’s not my first time being the new student; I’ve gotten the routine down to a T. Go to the office, talk to the principal and get my new schedule, search for my new homeroom, be a spectacle for the rest of the day… maybe even the next four days. 

Walking into my new home room with Mrs. Caster, I’m grateful that she doesn’t make me introduce myself in front of the class. She allows me to silently make my way to a seat in the back corner of the room. The chair next to me is empty, but my luck runs out when a flamboyant girl comes to sit down. 

“I haven’t seen you before; you must be new! My name is Charlie. I’m so excited to get to know you!! Physics can be boring, but Mrs. Caster is super chill! We’re gonna be BFFs! Are you good at math? I’m not the best at math, but I work really hard, so you don’t have to be too worried about being my partner!” Charlie seems to speak at a million miles an hour; I keep wondering when she’ll come up for air or let the smile fall off of her face. Her cheeks must be killing her by now. 

“I’m Maggie. Today is my first day here.” I try to offer her a kind smile, but it must come off as more of a grimace.

“Are you one of those people who likes to sit and brood during class, while secretly harboring a hatred for everyone in the room?” She gapes at me in disbelief. 

“No, I just like to to stick to myself. I’ve moved around a lot, so I’ve had a hard time keeping friends. Doesn’t make sense to make them if they continue to leave,” I give a small shrug. Charlie doesn’t seem to like this answer any better; she continues to gape at me like I’m a fish out of water.

“That is totally unacceptable! You have to meet the rest of my friends!! What lunch period do you have?”
“It looks like the second lunch period,” I say, referring to the printed schedule in my hand. 

“That is perfect!!! That’s when we have lunch too!” She’s giving me the biggest smile I’ve seen anyone make; the corners of her mouth must be touching her ears with how wide it is. I know that there’s no way I’ll be able to escape her; it’ll just be easier to do as she says.

Later that day, at lunch, I see Charlie waving to me from a table in the middle of the room. Her smile hasn’t slipped at all, and she’s now accompanied by four other girls. After getting my lunch, I make my way over and plop down next to Charlie. She introduces me to the rest of the girls: Lydia, Sarah, Jess, and Kirsten. I politely wave to them all and offer the most genuine smile I can muster, glad that I won’t have to sit alone on my first day. 

“I’m so bummed that we won’t get to play for our senior year! I was looking forward to State this year, I finally pulled my average up enough to make it!” Jess, I believe, says, continuing their previous conversation.

“Me too!! I wish we would have been able to find another person to join the team. People just don’t like bowling when it’s not for a birthday party. It sucks that we have to have at least six people; I can’t believe they couldn’t make an exception for a team with just five,” Lydia chimes in. 

“Maggie, did you play any sports at your old school?” Charlie ask, pulling me into the conversation.”

“Um… not really,” I say, hoping that they won’t ask any further questions. Sweat is beading on my forehead at the lie, but I cannot believe that they bowl. I will do anything to avoid this conversation.

“Not really? Does that mean that you did and were just bad and are embarrased to talk about it?” Sarah looks at me with a confused expression.
I should have figured they would ask more; high school girls are filled to the brim with curiosity. 

“Um, no, I just mean that not many schools have the sport that I played, so most people don’t think about it…” Hoping that this will finally lead them off of the trail…but it turns out luck is not on my side today.

“Our school has a ton of sports and extracurricular activities that other schools don’t! We might have it!” Sarah chimes in. 

Hoping they’ll finally drop it, I quietly say, “I was on my school's bowling team.”

The whole table seems to erupt when I say this, and I know that they won’t let me get away without saying more. Everyone in the cafeteria is now looking our way, and giving us curious glances, wondering what might be going on lead to five girls to be bouncing up and down with excitement during lunch.

“NO WAY! That’s what we play!!” Kirsten speaks up for the first time. “You totally have to join the team! Tryouts are technically over, but practices haven’t started yet, so I’m sure Coach would let you!”

Not sure how to tell them that I wasn’t planning on bowling again, I passively say, “Yeah sure, I’ll think about it and ask my mom.”

The rest of the day was much less eventful. Since Mom drove me to school, I catch the bus home, like some freshman. I’m glad that I was able to get a parking pass; I don’t think I could do another day on this stinky bus. Boys are so gross. When I get home, I start dinner, knowing that Mom always gets stuck at the office late. It doesn’t matter if it’s a new place or not, she’ll never leave on time.

Later that night, Mom finally gets home from her shift. Sitting together at the table, about to eat dinner, she ask me how my first day of school was.

“It was good; I made a friend.”

“That is so awesome, making a friend on the first day of school! I know that can be hard ofr you. What’s their name? What are they like? Do y'all have anything in common? You should invite them over for dinner!” My Mom starts to bombard me with questions, excited by the new information.

“Her name is Charlie, we’re in physics together. She’s very outgoing, likes to talk a lot.”

“That sounds like a perfect friend for you!” Relentlessly, Mom continues to pry. “What about hobbies? Anything that y’all could do together?”

“Yeah, maybe.” I’m hesitant to tell Mom about Charlie also being on the bowling team. I know that Mom will want me to join; she was pushing it on me just this morning. Maybe I can lie my way out of it… “Charlie is on the girls bowling team at the school.”

“Maggie, that’s perfect!! You can bowl again for your senior year!”
Not wanting to tell Mom that I wasn’t planning to bowl again after what happened last year, I lie and say, “Tryouts have actually passed. They said their Coach is super strict and hard on them, so I wouldn’t be able to get on the team.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry, Maggie. I know how much bowling meant to you; this must be a real bummer for you.” I know Mom is trying to comfort me and help me get over it, but I’m not ready to talk about what happened last year. It still hurts too much, and I don’t want her pity right now.

“It’s okay Mom, I wasn’t planning on playing this year anyway. I want to focus on my school work and getting my college applications ready.” I know not to bring up scholarships, Mom would just remind me that bowling could land me a full ride to the college of my dreams. 

“Okay, Maggie. If there is anything that I can do to help with your applications, just let me know. I’m always here for you.”

“Thank you, Mom.” We finish the rest of our dinner and clean up in silence. I head to my room after everything is done, my head swimming from the day. My new school having a bowling team never even entered the realm of possibilities for me. Bowling was such a small sport where I came from that it’s hard to fathom other schools offering it as well. I thought that if anyone at school knew that I used to bowl, that I would be picked on; it happened at my last school. It’s a relief to know that I won’t be bullied for my odd choice of extracurriculars, but I was hoping for a reprieve with this new school. I just wanted my last semester to be free of bowling. Feeling deflated and dejected, I get ready for bed and try to mentally prepare myself for what my new friends will say when I reject their offer to join the team.

I wake up super groggy, having dreamt all night of my once favorite activity mocking me. I haven’t touched my gear since the end of last season; I couldn’t even bear to look at it for the longest time. Lost in thought, I realize that I’ve taken too much time thinking about my horrid dreams and am now running late for school. I frantically run around my room to get ready for school and rush out the door in five minutes flat, feeling very impressed with myself. Maybe I should wait until the last minute more often. 

Although I was able to leave my house quickly, I still end up running into the classroom as the late bell is ringing. Thankfully, Mrs. Caster pretends not to notice. Charlie is trying to get my attention to tell me something, but I pretend not to hear her, instead doing all that I can to focus on the lesson ahead of me. At the end of class, I slip out as quickly as possible, still doing all that I can to avoid the conversation Charlie is trying to have.

I don’t see Charlie again until lunch. I grab my lunch and head to the table we sat at yesterday, nervous that the girls will try to badger me about joining the team again, but grateful to have made friends so quickly. 

“Maggie! Did you talk to your mom? Will she let you join the team?” Are the first words that I hear out of Kirsten.

Dreading where this is headed, I lie and say, “I talked to her last night. She said that I couldn’t join the team; she really wants me to focus on my school work so that I have better chances with my college applications.” It’s not a total lie, Mom does want me to focus on my school work…

“We were really looking forward to you joining the team with us,” Lydia looks towards me with the face of a child who has just had their heart broken by their hero. “Practices don’t start until Monday, so maybe you could convince her by then!”

“Yea sure, I could try again,” knowing that I won’t bring it up with Mom again. It’s not something that I want to continue talking about, so I find any excuse to leave. “I’m gonna start making my  way to my next class, see y’all later.”

Saturday Morning

With Mom being at work today, I’ve got the whole day to myself. As I try to decide what to fill my day with, my eye lands on my bowling bag. I haven’t thought about bowling again, but it used to always help to calm my mind. Maybe it won’t be so bad to go to the bowling alley here. The skeletons in my closet won’t be able to reach me from a thousand miles away.

The bowling alley here is small and comfortable; just how I like it. There is a new anxiety at the thought of picking up a ball again, one that I don’t know how to combat. The only thing I know how to do is dive in head first. I’m glad to have picked a quiet time to come, there’s only one other family in here on the other side of the alley. It takes me a longer than it should to lace up my shoes and put my balls on the rack. After of an eternity of sitting and staring at the lane, 5 minutes, I finally work up the courage to start my first game. I don’t expect it to go well, or be up to my standards, since it’s been so long since I’ve bowled. 

The first two frames are hard to get through. Something feels off in my form, but I’m not sure what it is yet. I use the rest of this game to focus on my form and get back into the swing of things (pun intended). I finish the game both satisfied and unsatisfied. I did not score as high as usual, but I was able to fix my form, which is the most important thing anyway. 

“Maggie! I didn’t think we would see you here!” Charlie’s voice rings out behind me; I’m scared to turn around and make eye contact. “Does this mean that your mom said you can join the team!?”

“Uh, no, sorry. She’s staying firm on focusing on school right now. I just haven’t bowled since last year and had some free time this morning. I didn’t think I’d see anyone else here this early.”

“Oh yeah, Sarah works the morning shift on Saturdays. We usually come to hang out with her and bowl since it’s typically so slow.” Jess gives me a warm smile.

“Wow! This is what you finished with? I thought you said you haven’t bowled since last year!?” Lydia’s mouth hangs open as her eyes dart back and forth between me and the scoreboard. 

“No way! I couldn’t even shoot that on my best of days!” Kirsten gapes at the screen flashing the score from my first game.

Uncomfortable with all of the attention, I try to play it down. “It’s nothing really. I was just working on my form and getting back into it.” I mutter, refusing to make eye contact with anyone.

“We might actually have a chance at state this year if you joined the team! 174 is one of my highest games, I can’t believe that was your score just working on your form!!” Jess can’t contain her excitement.

“Hey Maggie, could you help me pull my gear from my car, please?” Grateful that Charlie has given me an out, I hurry to slip on my shoe covers and follow her outside. It may have been a mistake to follow her out so quickly because I’m blindsided by what follows.

“Your mom hasn’t told you that you can’t join the team, has she?” She doesn’t sound angry as she ask, just genuinely curious and concerned.

“No, she hasn’t.” I can’t make eye contact with Charlie as I confess.

“If it’s not your mom holding you back from the team, then what is?”

“I just…” I trail off not sure how to respond. I haven’t talked to anyone other than my Mom about this, and we only talked about it right after the tournament. I’m not sure if I’m ready to lay it all out there. But if not now, then when? How long can I harbor these feelings before they start to affect my life? Or have they already…

“I guess I’ve been holding myself back. I told myself I wouldn’t bowl this year, because I couldn’t get over last season. I wasn’t sure how to tell y’all that, so I lied about it.”

“We would have understood if you told us. We’re friends, you don’t have to lie to us.” Charlie looks at me sympathetically, trying to convery with her face how truthful and sincere she is. “Do you think you’d be okay telling us what happened last season to make you want to quit bowling?”

I’m not sure Charlie realizes how much she’s asking of me… but I do owe them the truth. I shouldn’t have lied to them, and this may be the only way to fix it before I lose my only friends at my new school. “I’ll try to explain it. I’m sorry for lying.”

Once back inside, Sarah goes on her break so that she can join everyone to hear my reason for not wanting to join the team. I apologize to everyone for lying to them about not wanting to join the team, letting them know that my Mom had nothing to do with it. After apologizing, I take in as much air as my lungs can hold, and slowly breathe it out before launching into my story.

State Finals; Last Season

Coach is still yelling at me to get my head in the game. I’ve had a hard time concentrating today. I’m the only girl from our school still competing. There are scouts in the crowd, eyes sharp as a hawk watching their prey. I typically don’t struggle with performance anxiety, but the pressure has never been this high before. It feels like I’ll be squashed like a bug from the weight of it all.

I’m exhausted from the tournament. We’re on the last day; I played 9 games Friday, 9 games yesterday, and I’m on game 5 for today. Bowling for three days straight is tiresome, and I’m starting to daydream of the soothing hot bath and plush bed waiting for back at the hotel. The girl, McKenna, I’m bowling against is a year older than me, a senior. She doesn’t seem worn out by the tournament at all; she’s calm and calculating. I’ve bowled against her before, so I know that she’s a formidable opponent even when the stakes are low. We’ve never gotten along before; we’ve been pit against each other since I joined the team my freshman year. She’s always seen me as a threat since we’ve always been the top two players in our district, and today will solidify who’s the best.

This isn’t my best game, but I’m still holding my own; I can still make a comeback and win. I strike in frame seven and eight, but end up leaving a pin in frame nine. Thankfully it’s a pretty easy spare; I line up and effortlessly knock down the 8-pin. We’re in the tenth frame now, and my first shot is sloppy; I end up leaving a 5-10 split. It’s not my favorite split, but I’m able to make it. I end the tenth frame with a strike, to finish the game off with a 213. McKenna finishes her game with a 225, leaving us both with one win. 

Going into the next game, I start off strong with three strikes in a row. Hopeful that this could go my way, I ready myself for the fourth frame. I could feel my nerves rising,my arms seeming to be frozen in place as I take my frist step; I drop my ball half a second too late on my approach and try to make up for it in my backswing, leading to my timing being completely off. My ball comes off my hand a second too early and dribbles down the lane, leaving a nasty 7-10 split. Knowing that I won’t be able to pick it up, I aim for the easier of the two and knock down the 7-pin. Losing all confidence I had in myself, the rest of the game continues to go downhill from there; I can’t get out of my head. My heart sinks just like my score; I end up finishing with a 154, allowing McKenna to win. I’m glad she was able to win State her senior year while scouts are here, but she’s never been a good winner, and today is no exception. 

“Wow Maggie. I knew you were bad, but I didn’t think you would ever embarrass yourself this much. You’ve just become the laughing stock out of all of the bowlers here; my only regret is that I won’t be here next season to see how much worse you get. There’s no way you’ll ever go to State again.”

Knowing that McKenna, and the other bowlers that I see on a regular basis, would never let me live down the drastic drop between my two games, I refuse to bowl next season. I won’t give them the satisfaction of seeing me humiliate myself further and I’m not going to subject myself to their surly comments.

Present Day

“Maggie, I’m so sorry.” Sarah is the first to speak up after a long, stretched-out silence. 

“You know Maggie, we’ve all had days and games that have, for lack of a better phrase, completely sucked donkey butt. You shouldn’t let it be the reason that you don’t play anymore.” Kirsten gives me a small hug, providing more comfort than she realizes. 

“Thank y’all. Today is my first time bowling since the State tournament last season, so I’ve been trying to work through all of the emotions that have come with it, and gain some of my confidence back.”

“Would it be okay if we bowled with you? We won’t pressure you or ask you to join the team again, but just know that the offer still stands if you’d like to.” I nod my head, signalling to bring their gear over.

While everyone else is grabbing their stuff, Charlie looks to me and says, “I’ll say this last thing and then nothing more, don’t you think that they win anyway if you quit bowling?” Charlie has been a ray of sunshine this first week here, and I couldn’t be more thankful for her and her positivity. 

Leaving me with more doubts about quitting bowling than I initially had, I add all of their names to my lanes while they put their shoes on and rack their balls. We spend the rest of the day laughing and bowling together. I’m in awe of these new friends that I have, and the support they have shown me in the little time we’ve known each other. Maybe bowling with them wouldn’t be so bad.

Reviews

[George Rockefeller]

Wow, I didn't think bowling could get me hyped like this! I like your organization and presentation of the story. Your wording does through me off sometimes: when I read the sentences
"Bowling was such a small sport where I came from that it’s hard to fathom other schools offering it as well. I thought that if anyone at school knew that I used to bowl, that I would be picked on; it happened at my last school."
it sounds like the school the main character comes from is where she lost the finals, but that is contradicted when you say 'it happened at my last school' that when people knew she used to bowl she was made fun of. That last part sounds like bowling was not offered on her last school (where she came from).

Also at the beginning when you say "without your mom breathing down your neck for every minute of it." it sounds like the 'without' should be changed to a 'with' or you should add ', let alone with' at the end of that sentence, if I catch the meaning of that paragraph correctly.

Overall I enjoyed your story. Thanks for sharing it!