The Sleeping Stone

Looking for some feedback on this one. Thanks!

Dappled sunlight filters down 

through the gnarled fingers of wise old trees

He sits,

surrounded by bramble and bush

Calling out for a guiding hand

on skinned, scratched knees

 

Not a sound answers back

Everything, from the immovable branches,

to the fluttering fallen leaves on the forest floor

are muted; appearing as though dead

Life is absent here,

hidden and silent

As though God himself has put the Great green Earth to rest

The shades are steep,

covering everything in quiet melancholia,

as a burial shroud covers the dearly departed

He huddles,

eyes shut tight,

hands covering his face

He waits immobile,

more as a dreaming stone, a monolith,

than a sleeping man

Counting slowly backwards,

he frames the world into the spaces caught between his fingers

falling quietly through the years.

Reviews

[La Tigresa]

Ah, I have such a hard time understanding poetry. As with Helianthus, I'm sorry that I can't give you a more educated review. It really makes me feel bad because I like to give constructive criticism, but I'm out of my element here. As stated by maria rose, you do have very good imagery. The very line she pointed out was one of my favorites as well. I remember pausing when I read it and saying "ooh that's nice". Is this about someone visiting a grave and grieving? I read it over several times but some lines confuse me, because when it says "more as a dreaming stone, a monolith, than a sleeping man" I'm assuming it's talking about the protagonist here, so that made me think, for a moment, that HE is the dead person but that doesn't seem to make sense. Anyway, I think (I'm not sure) that every new line needs to be capitalized. I also think that some punctuation is missing, but otherwise good work on this.

[Aidan]

Thanks for taking the time to read and comment, I appreciate it! One of the things that I absolutely love about poetry is how varied interpretations can be from reader to reader. You made some observations on aspects of the poem I would never have thought of. As far as punctuation and grammar go, it really depends on the poem itself. I tend to use specific punctuation marks or capitalization to accentuate certain words or lines. I think it's a common stylistic choice in many of my pieces.

[maria ( rose)]

I LIKE IT !
good imaginary
Dappled sunlight filters down
through the gnarled fingers of wise old tree I think you did a marvelous job!

[Aidan]

Thanks for the taking the time to read and review. I appreciate it!

[maria ( rose)]

my pleasure:)