alone

 I wake to find you gone,

 

 And I wonder if you even stayed the night,

You couldn't be here with me for long,  

I'm just that miserable today.

I turn to the right,

Half expecting money on the dresser,

It seems appropriate in a funny kind of way.

The dresser... empty.

My room is devoid of all thoughts of you,

Except your flowers,

And the scent of your cologne,

I cant even escape you when I'm alone.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[April Child]

I like the line about money on the dresser, that really brings home the feeling you are conveying here. I think you could chop the next lines out, you don't need them to back-up the previous line, the meaning is clear. I would also remove the lines "You couldn't be here with me for long, I'm just that miserable today.", again I think they dilute the piece. The message is strong without needing to be told how you feel, you show us well with your image of the money on the dresser, the flowers and the lingering scent of cologne. I hope you don't mind my suggestions... they are just suggestions and don't get me wrong I like your piece very much, I just see a couple of changes that could make a good poem into an outstanding one.

[Legion]

It always leaves one wanting. Well done in showing that.

[Tony Hwilka]

A sad poem indeed but a good write. How she would have felt if money was on the dresser. Tony