The Last Poem I'll Ever Write About You

The atoms in your body were replaced 

by ones that did not remember the 

flavor of my skin in vacant basements 

at mid-night after five swigs of whiskey, 

and they replenished your sense of 

smell so that you would not remember 

the scent of winter when she was in 

town with me when we had only fourteen 

days to memorize each other’s laughter 

to remember how happy we’d  be the

next time I’d come around.

Now I remember two weeks ago 

when I asked you how your life has 

been like you had some sort of brain 

surgery or lost your memory because 

you forgot that I was once part of it, 

and I remember running into you 

in town last week, half-smiling you 

passed by me like I had never been 

a part of it at all.

Reviews

[An owl on the moon]

There was such a sorrow in your memories.. those treasured moments now undone... Perhaps the smile was merely the mask one wears when trying to find a new reason to be happy again. Love is never fully washed from our souls.

[Andrew James Talbot]

Powerful, and very well-paced - at first a=lack of punctuation made it difficult but by the end it helped to emphasise the swift passing of time and feeling. Liked it!

[Ali Guerra]

hmm i'll try to fix that, thank you very much :]

[Andrew James Talbot]

No, leave it! At first it was strange but I think it was a key advantage to creating the desired affect!

[Ali Guerra]

oh ok thanks!

[twain]

I love this so much, from the title to the awkward passing by.

[Clockwork]

I'm in love with the first stanza. It has so many unique lines that really stand out to me. You do a great job of associating clear descriptions to the senses in an original way. Lines 2-4 really stood out to me in that department. I also really enjoyed the detail about only having two weeks to memorize the laughter.

On another note, its sad when people forget us this way. Makes me wonder where the memories go. I guess sometimes they get lost in the caves of our memory. Maybe at the bottom of bottles or in the many things that leave imprints on our skin. You did a good job exploring why.

[Ali Guerra]

thank you :] I tried my very best to associate those feelings. and I agree

[Clockwork]

You're welcome

[lMarling]

My favourite part of this is the title. It resonates the intensity and compulsion of mixed feelings when you lose someone/break up etc.

Try revising the second part to make it a similar length, and better flow. Enjoyed reading the piece. Good work.

[Ali Guerra]

Thank you so much - I will take your advice!
take care xx