Desperation

if  i believed in a God
i would surely be going

to visit his arch nemesis

if a God does exist
He must hate me

 fore i have done so much wrong

i string people along
ones i love
and can't bear to hurt
so i hurt them anyways

i am in love with her

and she with me

i am falling for him

and him with me?

but i still like another

and he does me

i am so selfish
to keep them all
but i can't bear to give them up
so i hurt them anyways

she says we will be
if we are meant to be

i can tell she's lying

he says i don't have to choose yet
i have time to decide

i can tell he's lying

i cry to myself
hiding from others
and i can't bear to tell them
so i hurt them anyways

they deserve better than me
more than i can give

i am not worth it

i don't deserve them
they are so much better

i am not worth it

and so the inevitable

is showing itself

and i must follow its suggestion

fore i can't hurt them any longer

somehow, death
seems so far
when it is so close
the only thing left for me
to love. amore . . .