Twisted

amazing

manipulative

uncaring

Author's Note

Senryu (3/5/3) my first one ever.. written 12.9.06

Reviews

[Nusquam Esse]

I suppose a 3/5/3 structure does make quite a bit of sense for an English version of a Senryu; considering the differences in how the language is structures. English does, after all, tend to convey more in fewer syllables. Although, the lack of English's ability to so simply convey a cutting nature of words as a dynamic of grammar leaves me wondering if perhaps, English does need a bit more at time. Regardless of this, while this poem is simple, the transition of the words is unfortunate to say the least! Not much I can contribute to this, since you went all out in limiting yourself here! Although, I find the cutting leap between the first and second to take away part of the sting that a final line may carry; mostly in how the nuances between words flow. Anyway, I am rambling, but I can't help it. ^_^ Have you ever wrote an Tanka before?

[Alisa Js]

Thank you again! I have not tried a Tanka..perhaps I shall!

[Nusquam Esse]

The most challenging bit is the middle (3rd) line. I believe the Tanka became a sort of 'back and forth' song. Someone would write the first half, and then someone would write the second half to both 'complete' 'stand-alone' and 'change both parts and the whole. For a person who talks to themselves too much, it is a great style!

[Alisa Js]

Interesting! I will endeavor to research it more...thanks for the info!

[.]

~~ very interesting... and insightful...

[Alisa Js]

Thank you...

Makes sense, tho, doesn't it?

Alisa💫

[.]

~~ yeah... some truly 'twisted' people have an outwardly 'amazing' personality...

[Alisa Js]

I totally agree!

[ANTO]

3 stages of a soured relationship or perhaps one partner is astounded at the creativity of the manipulator and the uncaring nature - this can be read in many ways Alisa - genuine monkey puzzle senryu. Love it.
:))

[Alisa Js]

Thank you, Anto.

Alisa 💫

[I Am Svetlana]

Stunning...three simple words can be so powerful. I pictured my ex when I read this. He was manipulative and in the end, turned out to be very heartless and uncaring. Your writing is truly something powerful!

[Alisa Js]

Thank you for your comments.

Alisa 💫