Hooked on time's fishing line.

My life's hooked

On time's fishing line

I struggle, I resist

I'm forced to comply.

Persuaded my thoughts

My life against time

Shortens, draws close
I fight my freedom.

A life, striving to survive

More time..... more time

But my time shortening

With time .... with time

Controlled by time

My time ..... my time

Hooked on time's fishing line

Pulled in am I

My life's expectancy shortening

Slipping by....

Reviews

[Carrie.]

This isn't as strong as it could be, no offense.
There's this repetitive nature, which can usually help a piece but here it hinders your work. I think the fishing reference is original and bright, it should be explored more. You know how when you're fishing you pull in the fish and you can see how grotesque a hook punctured through the lip really is?

Just my thoughts,
Carrie.

[andrew mitchell]

All comments welcome. thank you Carrie

[~]

Those without a strong heart cannot go fishing ;);)

[andrew mitchell]

hahaha thanks ms hook ,line and sinker!

[~]

At least we can go with a fight :)
Genius write. I like the shortening of the "time" line and the reeling like the wheel of history. Great symbolism. Loved it!! :D

[sereenaoutloud]

Love this write and the metaphor even though i just do not like fishing ! gasp i hear all you men do at once...lol hey i have tried so many times throughout my life so far and still do not like it.. but this poem i love so you can close your jaw now hahaha.. :)

[andrew mitchell]

lol................lol

[Jamestown]

Another very creative piece, that holds much truth!
Time does seem to pass by pretty fast, thanks for sharing and b-blessed!

[andrew mitchell]

Thanks Jamestown

[....................]

I must be on the line next to yours because this is how I see it most of the time. A catchy piece, my friend.

[andrew mitchell]

Its nearly May!!!!! time !!! Thank youFT

[alf]

Hi Andrew. And don't you speak for every one of us!!!! I so love this. Such a widespread sentiment and yet I have not seen this addressed in poetry before!!! As I have so often stated, you are the epitome of originality!!! alf

[andrew mitchell]

Thanks alf that's a great compliment "the epitome of originality!" :):) I like that!

[alf]

Wear it like a crown, my friend, it is not a title I have ever bestowed before!!!

[andrew mitchell]

Thanks alf for your kind words and your sentiments

[John Alexander McFadyen]

I like your free verse Andrew you do get the emotions into it on subjects we all feel. Flowing and an easy read.
May need a comma between struggle and I in the first stanza and I was unconvinced by the ending unless I am missing something obvious?