I lie lifeless before you.

The maze you created
was one I couldn’t reach.
I followed the signs
but alas, I confess
was not taken.
My beliefs are my own:
when I die , I die
completely without
resurrection
without transportation
of my soul
I will be dead
as the dead
ought to be.

Written on caveman’s wall
A caveman following the sun.

Reviews

[JayG]

• The maze you created was one I couldn’t reach.

What can this mean to anyone but yo? You, who are unknown to the reader, are talking to someone never introduced, about things unstated. Meaningful to you, who have intend guiding your understanding, and backstory that only you are aware of, providing context.

But the reader? What do they get that would make them care that this unknown person, is jabbering away about something that may have to to do with their personal view of an unstated religion? That matters, because unless they're made to care, they yawn and turn away.

In poetry, we don't tell the reader that we cried at someone unknown's funeral, our goal is to make the reader weep. And that's an emotional goal. But the writing methodology you're using is nonfiction: fact-based and author-centric. You need to provide emotion-based and character-centric writing to emotionally involve the reader.

One way to begin is to view the work, not as the author, but as someone who doesn't know who we are, where we are, or what's going on. Then, react to the piece as they do, not as the all-knowing author.

Not good news, I know, but since it's the kind of problem the author won't see, and we'll never address the problem we don't see as being one, I thought you might want to want to know

[John the Baptist]

Agreed. A dead man should know his proper place.

[andrew mitchell]

Thank you John hahaha