Sorry save yourself.

I hear your cries
but I live in
a politically correct world:
your cries could be
fake news, a trick, a trap or
a nonconsensual saving
of your soul.
Not even you
reciting baa baa
rainbow sheep
will change
my mind.
It's your stairway
to heaven.

Reviews

[W. Barrett Munn]

I like this a lot. You are at the point that can drive you (meaning me) crazy, and that is double-checking that each and every word is pulling its weight, doing exactly what you want it to do, creating the feelings want to have felt. This is the agony point in revision.

With all that, the one word that jumps out (to me, not necessarily anyone else) is the word "just". I'm thinking it might read better if you say, "your cries could be a trick, fake news, a trap"...and eliminate the "just" altogether?

Anyway, a fine effort.

[andrew mitchell]

Thank you so much for your inputs.

[spirit wind]

I haven't been on WritersCafe for years but decided today to visit and this gorgeous drop-dead piece of writing was featured on the main page and I fell in extreme literary like for it. It would have been so easy to have gone overboard with this but you maintained that crisp provoking world view throughout... not one word was in excess... each word could not be replaced with a better word... I have not seen a better poem [I was going to say in years but frankly I have not seen a better poem period]. You wield a powerful pen." reciting baa baa
rainbow sheep"----that absolutely bowled me over. Now I am going to see if I can friend you so I can always find you to read more of your work.

[andrew mitchell]

Hi Spirit wind, I am floored by your kind words and somewhat speechless. Thank you very much dear poet for your review and visit. Regards Andrew.

[W. Barrett Munn]

I like the change you made. Now, and this is the frustration of poetry, although it is better, the change has brought out another word that seems problematic: "so". Does living in a politically correct world really a reason for you to distrust? The word "so" implies a relationship between the phrases that I simply don't see. If you want to connect the ideas but keep them from appearing as causal, you might try using a semi-colon. For example: I live in a politically correct world; besides, your cries could be fake...yadi yadi yada.

That would be my suggestion for what it's worth.

Btw, I haven't posted any of my own as they are mostly out as submissions and the literary journals frown on sending anything that has been previously published - and I'm not clear whether this site would be considered as self-published. Something to consider.

[andrew mitchell]

Thanks for your valued advice. I’m not that polished on when to use just or so in verses. Being Australian we abbreviate every word and sentence to suit our laziness unfortunately. Look forward to your writes.

[Einstein Noodle]

it's difficult not to notice what is happening in society these days .. tho, in my opinion, the slippage here in America has been slow and insipidus until President Obama took office and Leftist ideology started taking Big Gulps .. now with our present Administration we are leaps and bounds to Socialist Communism .. control control control .. your "sheep" mention reminds me of a great book I read in the '60s, "A Nation of Sheep" .. the way things are going, I am grateful for the words of Jesus Christ ..(paraphrasing) give Caesar what belongs to him and give God what belongs to God. And when Jesus said that this world is not His Kingdom ... clearly His focus was on thing other than the material world and all the darkness that comes from our greed and avarice ... pushing back on the absurdity of PC and how the Left by nature is not inclusive .. I sure don't get invited to their parties ;) love ya man! i love your rainbow sheep attitude sir .... that flag is as hollow as the pole it is raised on. love and peace good man!
E.

[andrew mitchell]

As always thank you for your review Gene.

[Phill Oz O'fee]

An enjoyable and interesting read my friend. I read that students on a university course are being given a “trigger warning” that Charlotte Bronte’s Jane Eyre and Charles Dickens’s Great Expectations contain “distressing” content. Actor Simon Callow, who has appeared in several Dickens adaptations, added to the chorus of condemnation over the warnings. He joked: “I don’t think the university authorities have gone far enough. “A more helpful alert would be: ‘Warning – this book may make you think. In extreme cases, it may even make you feel.
Be safe and well ... :-)

[andrew mitchell]

Thank you very much Phil.

[Patricia Wedel]

dearest Andrew.. the Stairway to Heaven is often strewn with Sorrows.. where Politicians slip and fall and then the Prayers of the People bring a new Beginning. gently, Pat

[andrew mitchell]

Indeed Pat indeed , take the escalator instead🙂

[Patricia Wedel]

We have an Acorn Chairlift named “Charlie”… it is so relaxing to
Meditate while feeling like an Angel in flight. Your Humor is a Delight. gently. Pat

[Chris Shaw]

You know I am sick to death of wokery and snowflakes. I am all for inclusivity but not for the rewriting of history to pacify hurty feelings. Dear Andrew, that's where your lines took me. Hope all is well


Chris

[andrew mitchell]

Haha I agree Chris, the young ones are too sooky these days and need to toughen up. And the regulators should be shot. Fancy banning Noddy because of gollywog and big ears sharing a bed with Noddy. It really is pathetic. I’m fine amongst the food shortages and covid 19.

[Chris Shaw]

You know I do question the minds of some of these nuts. When I read Noddy to my daughter, I never once had thoughts of anything else. I reckon they must employ people to look for dirt:) Food shortages?

[andrew mitchell]

No meat, no bread and some veges all gone due to supply shortages because drivers are struck down with covid and have to isolate

[andrew mitchell]

I grew up with Noddy and didn’t think anything sexual or racist. Go figure.

[Chris Shaw]

We have shortages of drivers, health care workers due to covid isolation too, but we still have food on the shelves. Take care, Andrew.