Before nightfall or before daybreak?

Goodbye always gave
hello the flick
as did the night
dispensing with day.
Luckily, the moon
said accompany me
til the sun arrives
so I did
and the stars twinkled
while space remained
somewhat empty
thoughts trickled
onto the page
only to see an end
from the beginning.
One wondered
who came first
the light of day
or night fall.

Reviews

[Ken e Bujold]

I like the poem Andrew, the thought is playful and imaginative. Few minor quibbles you might want to chew on. the back half of the couplet "as did the night/do to day " is a bit of an awkward tongue twister. I get what you are trying for, a play on night and today but it's tough to wrap your tongue and therefore brain around which detracts from the image. The 2nd quibble is the last line: setup is great with the light of day, but if I was shaping the takeaway line I'd use a little metonymy trick and flip night and fall to a line that ends or falling night, or fall of night, or if you really don't like those break the word in two to: night falls. and leave the question mark missing ending with no punctuation which drifts the line off into the ether

ken e

[andrew mitchell]

Thank you so much and for the feedback which I will take on board Ken. You made a 5 minute write mean something. Great stuff.