Dear Carol

I finally feel ready to share my victims impact statement that I wrote and read in court from about 3 years ago. I hope that she would approve, but I also know that she would edit it;)

Dear Carol,

I can't call you anymore,

And if and when I do, no one I know answers...

If I search you up,

I only see more horrible news.

I can't see you anymore,

Because every time I think I do, It's someone else,

And sometimes, I hold my glance, and just try to think, it might be, and pause

And remember you.

I can't try to help you;

Or let you help me,

Or get those thoughtful or silly presents that you often

Left at my door.

And I can no longer be lectured, about what what I did, or did not do,

That was right or wrong.

I can't pick you up, to go on an adventure,

Swimming on the beaches or sharing a poem...

And, I no longer have the gift of you telling me 

To "just hang in there" when life gets hard.

Or to give people a chance, or sympathy

Like you always did, for everyone.

Yet, I can still hear your words of wisdom

And I will follow on your beautiful path

Because no one can ever

Completely take you away from me. 

And the person I want to express these feelings to 

more than anyone else, is you. But,

I can't talk to you,

anymore.