It Will Be My Fault

A poem about feeling like a burden, like everyone tolerates you but nothing more.

One day, 

You're going to murder me 

In my sleep. 

It will be my fault 

And I have forgiven you for it.

Forgiven you for the harsh words

You have not yet spoke,

For the punches that have not yet landed.

They will be my fault, 

And I have forgiven you for them.

I believe you when you say you love me.

You do.

But are you capable of loving me 

Unconditionally?

With my constant laughing,

Shrill voice.

With my unfunny jokes

And inability to keep my mouth closed.

Love is conditional when 

It comes to me.

The worst in people seeps out

When I am in proximity. 

I have forgiven them

For their misdeeds.

One day

We will lay in bed.

I will have talked, 

And talked,

And exhausted you to death.

That day your morals

Will be compromised,

My existence a test

 to people's obligation to be kind.

Even the best will have no choice

But to turn to hate.

It is the effect of my attendance,

The fault is mine,

It was fate.

Merely a matter of time.

I await the day you raise your hand.

I will turn the other cheek,

Try not to cry.

I won't question how,

Or why.

I know.

My fault for being so insufferable,

So childlike,

For not being able to keep to myself

What's on my mind.

Jarring, irritating:

The blame was always mine.

A ticking bomb,

Bound, to make the most patient

Burst.

My presence resembles a burden,

A curse.

One day,

You will murder me,

in my sleep.

It will be my fault.

I have forgiven you for it.

Reviews

[Curly Grace]

There’s a deep ache in these lines...that fear of being a burden is so human, and you capture it with raw honesty.

[Justice Zahra]

thank you so much!! i appreciate that, and I'm glad it resonated with you