Black Heart

For a contest

It is not hard to recollect memories of him

For some incidents never fade away

Now I crave for the love I lost

My heart longs for his warmth today

 

I failed to understand the demands of my mind

Tangled into knots, it misled me; I was blind

Now, I’m distant from him and his love so true

There is no way to undo the past or to start anew

 

If only I’d spoken to myself before I spoke to him

I certainly would’ve been happier, I would’ve been with him

I started with sincere intentions but on the way, lost control

My heart was opaque; it betrayed his soul

 

Author's Note

Thanks to Rambling Prose for helping me to express it better...

Reviews

[C. Harter Amos]

I really loved this and felt every line like living it myself, which I think of as the ultimate test of good writing; not just good words strung together, but to illicite a heart-felt reaction from the reader. Your writing never fails to do that and do it well! Two lines hit me like a hammer; "There is no way to undo the past, or to start anew." and " I started with sincere intensions, but on the way lost control. My heart was opaque, it betrayed his soul." It says exactly how I've felt in my own life. Precisely and beautifully stated.

[coldust]

it's real touching...

[scorpion-red]

i loved the poem although i think it should have been spaced out it would have made it easier to read but beautiful piece

[Salvatore Buttaci]

This is a good poem but this is a clerihew contest and this is not a clerihew poem.

Sal

[Deborah Leah Krempa]

This sounds so sad. Very well written poem. Thank you for sharing. Debileah

[Kevin Andros]

Ah. The moment. These kind of moments when everything goes wrong in our life and we wish that we could have a rewind buttong for our lives that went so wrong and so right it could be.

It's a nice write, expressed gracefully and done justice to the words used in this. Keep writing. ~KA~

[Mr. Lopez]

There are so many poems about being betrayed but few from the person who has betrayed. I respect the person who can look with in to see fault in themselves for bridges built but not crossed. Communication is a key elament in a relationship and without it, a relationship is doomed. Love will rot on the vine every time.
This poem is unique. The perspective fresh. The desire for forgiveness so very evident , if only from yourself ...for yourself. Good luck in the contest.

Mr. Lopez

[LadyLove]

I love this one! Especially the line...if only I'd spoken to myself before I spoke to him...how true of many relationships that fall because of words spoken without fully appreciating the impact they may have. Such a containment of speech comes with many mistakes. Sadly, we earn our wisdom this way. This is a great piece that I have now added to my library. Keep going kid! You're doing fine.

[WordMaster]

This is a well crafted piece of work, with outstanding imagery and emotional impact.

Good luck with the contest� You've got my vote

[Partha]

decent write. concise, simple, accessible and touching. I liked it.