Voicemail, 2 am

A voicemail to a former lover at 2 am. Part 1 in a 3 part series.

Is it okay if I talk to you until I fall asleep?

I barely go one night without your ghost haunting my dreams.

I thought I saw you on the stairs last week.

I had to drink a whole bottle to get your taste out of my mouth.

Can you feel your fingers around my throat?

Because I do, and you refuse to let me go.

Do you remember the last time we spoke?

I chain smoked until the sun came up the next morning and

I listened to the same song on repeat for weeks after that night.

I try not to think about you,

But when there are no stars in the sky

And everything feels as deep as whatever we were,

It’s then that I can’t let go of you.

I’m smoking as we speak because I can feel you clawing

At the back of my eyes.

I can’t exhale you.

You asked me if I was okay with you not having any answers for me yet.

I said yes.

I’m calling to tell you no,

And that my stomach feels sick when I think of you,

And I’m sorry that life is the way that it is.

And you were right.