My Dramatic Poem

I wrote a dramatic flow for this poem so if anyone asks. Its suppose to be dramatic

My heart is not complete

Just how close

How close

Are you to me?

Wait, my heart beats

And again

So glad it isn't dead

Its not nothing anymore

It's not useless, wortless or empty no more

 

Oh I travel so far

So far to get to you

How I beg so much for you

 

I will never give up

I won't stop trying

To seek every drop of love from you

 

I hope you find me

On the right tree

A great, red and juicy apple

My heart will be

 

My heart is waiting for a bite

From you with your teeth

Suck my love out

Leave me empty

 

I watch,

The sweet apple juice

Pouring out of me

 

My heart squeezed

like a sponge

The juice is pouring

I want you to come to me

So I can be set free

From hanging on this tree

 

Reviews

[Curly Grace]

There’s a fierce, tender longing running through this piece. the heart ripening itself into an apple, waiting to be chosen, bitten, freed. The imagery is vivid and dramatic in the best way, full of ache and surrender. It feels like a soul hanging in its own bright orchard, hoping love will finally reach up and take it. Beautifully intense.

[Rosie C]

Wow, thank you for the mind-blowing review.

A pleasure to take it all in.

[Charles]

This poem starts out great with an established rhythm and even some near rhymes. The meter seems to continue into later stanzas but is harder to notice because of the stanza breaks. You really should address those grammatical things - here it's 'not nothing anymore' and 'not... empty no more.' The first two stanzas seem to be heading somewhere and the theme is picked up again with the fourth stanza introduction on the apple analogy, leaving the third stanza out of the loop and perhaps not necessary. Again, the strong point here is the emotion you insert into the poem, though the apple thing is really a good analogy and the ending quite appropriate. :-)

[Wolfwind Words]

Depending on how you define "Dramatic"? I would have to say that by my idea of it, you have succeeded. The piece flows fast, carrying a strong emotional vibe. It weaves vivid images into the mind of the reader that are easy to invision and see.
I loved the second to the last stanza... the image of apple juice pour out of someone was unique and it added a sense of mirth to the ink.

Great Work!
Wolfie

[Sasha]

Huh. I didn't see any of this coming. My favorite lines were the first four and the fourth stanza. I really enjoy the way you always use comparisons I never would have thought of.

[Wicahpi]

this was an interesting write!!
sweet and sensual all at the same time.
'apple-licious'

[deeps]

I like this i think this is very well written.

[Devons]

I really like the allusions to an apple! The magnified and prurient manner in which this passion is compared to that fruit gives this poem its heart. The poem gets carried away by this in the second part but the first -although still well-put- could also carry this theme; planting the seed from the beginning. Good, though.