A Battle for Love

Love is it a fight worth fighting for?

Soldiers armed

With weapons

The bullets are loaded

They march

An army of them

Anything in thier way

Won't see another day

I ran with my shaking legs

I stumble and fall

I then began to crawl

Through long thin grass

I try to hide myself

Their footsteps heavy

They shake the earth

Thier faces full of terror

Unpredictable in thier eyes

Thier helmits rock hard

They don't look heavy

But I bet they are

 

One man spots me

The leader high up on a horse

I hear bangs of bullets

They fly past me but miss me

My ears couldn't take the bangs

The leader screams

He instructs his men to surround me

 

The battle for your love

Oh why has recieving your love,

Turned into a heart pain?

I bet all this battling

Makes your love worthless, empty and weak

When will I earn it

When will you realise this is no game

Of losing and not recieving anything back

I promise I will love you too

 

 

Reviews

[Angie Diane♥&hea..]

This was a good poem. I liked how war was represented for love....cause war is nothing but pain and suffering...thanks for sharing...

[River Wilson]

The flow in this poem is a bit stunted. However you still keep the reader instrested.

[HorrorMaster]

Very good army poem

[Dark Angel]

The imagery that I was able to see was awesome but your word choice makes it a little hard to move smoothly from one line to the next. Also, "thier" is supposed to be "their." and "A army" is supposed to be "An army."

[Richard Williams]

Good imagery and a sharp correlation between the soldiers and bullets and the battle for love. A real good read. Fix the thiers and helmits. Real good ending.

[Tara♥Undefined&h..]

" hear bangs of bullets
They fly past me but miss me" this didn't make much sense. It was very vivid, which I liked ;) but it had really awkward flow. I liked it but it wasn't a favorite of mine. Loved the whole, overall concept of the poem, just work on that flow. Keep writing.:)

[Liz-z]

I love how vivid it is... How I can see everything and everyone. It's incredibly meaningful and even touching. Heartwarming! Fantastic! Absolutely impressive.
"The battle for your love
Oh why has receiving your love
Turned into a heart pain?"

Loved it...

[Cassiopia Summers]

Definitely a great metaphor. Wonderful, strong imagery. Powerful, absolutely powerful. I love it.

[Jenny Nelson]

Great metaphor. You wouldn't think love should be this way, but it is sometimes. Wonderful description of emotion here. Well done.

[Cynthia]

That's totally beautiful!
Love as a battle fight, it's real.

Nice work!