Strangers on a Ski Lift

 

The tips of my skis glided through the delicate pure snow as I peeked to my left to keep tabs on who was going to be aligned with me on the triple ski lift. A green jacket with a scruffy beard for a face, and a younger version of him coated in black.

            Next. Ski up all the way to the line. All right. Now sit down.

            We all plopped down with a thud and a lingering ring and embraced the cold, stale silence. The man in black turned to his friend and began to speak of sports and such but slowly the conversation gravitated towards a more somber subject.

            I really do miss him, man, Lance used to love hitting the slopes here. The fresh air, the music, this mountain was Lance.

            Green Guy solemnly shook his head and I saw the glare of a ray of sunlight reflect off the solitary tear rolling down his cheek.

            We rounded the top of the mountain and Green Guy turns to me and says Have a nice run.

            They go right and I go left, and I rolled down that mountain like the tear down his face.

Reviews

[D.L. Coleman]

Good short piece, but "delicate pure" snow should have a comma, but it's really unnecessary to have either word as snow is known by all to be white. Fine might be a better descriptive word than "delicate." But that's just me, one who read a lot and notices this stuff. Gets better in the last few sentences.

[Jane Doe]

I really love the very last line, "I rolled down that mountain like the tear down his face." I also like in the second paragraph the brief sentences that sound kind of like steps. You have a very unique writing voice, I like it!

[Laura Lynn]

I wish I could write like this. I get too impatient with my own projects and hopes of memorizing vocabulary terms from languages totally impractical for me to learn just so I can say I remembered something. It's a hopeless, nonsensical goal that. What I mean is that the writing here gives the reader time to see the scene and you say things in a new way. The younger version of the other man, for instance. That seems really clever to me. It feels so lonely skiing sometimes among strangers, but it is such a great experience that more people should try who haven't.

[Reina Stone]

Keep going. :) Don't forget your quotations though. Oh, and if you can fit in what happened to Lance it would make for a great story, even if a short one. This that you already have is only an excerpt and could be so much more.

[Shawnee Rose]

Very short. The first sentance seems a little long.

However, I did like this.

[Coyote Poetry]

A short tale. Left the reader wanting to know more. I did like the location and the possibility of expanding the story. Thank you for sharing the excellent story.

[JC]

very well put together, flows nicely and an interesting story, you have a strong grasp that will only get better. enjoyed this,

[Annabelle]

Thank you so much!

[Miranda]

I really love this! I disagree when he said it should say fine.