Man vs. Woman

Written in September, 2006. A one scene play.

 (Boy and Girl enter from stage right holding hands and walking close. They’re  a couple, so be couplish. Girl kisses boy on the cheek then they sit with the girl cradled in the boy’s arms.)

 

Girl- The Covenant was such an amazing movie.

 

Boy- I don’t know, all they really did was have guys parade around half naked.

 

Girl- I know! Wasn’t it great? (Boy gives Girl a questioning look.)

 

Boy- So… do you wanna go up to my room to work on the history day project? (This should be said as of he’s hinting to something else…)

 

Girl- No, (Completely clueless, she moves so that now she is sitting across from him.) we’ll need the computer so we should stay down here.

 

Boy- Okay (Needs to seem discouraged) so what’s this project supposed to be about anyway?

 

Girl- Woman’s rights.(Boy gets a blank and uncomprehending look on his face), ring a bell?

 

Boy- Nnnn-YES! But why are we doing it on woman’s rights? Who cares about that?

 

Girl-…Oh I don’t know…me!

 

Boy: Well of course you do, you’re a girl after all.

 

Girl- (From here on out the Girl is getting increasingly annoyed with the Boy.) What’s that supposed to mean?

 

Boy- Well…you know… you girls care about weird s**t like that.

 

Girl- AS SHOULD YOU!

 

Boy- Why, I’m not a girl, and we all know that men are better then women anyway.

 

Girl- Ah, no they’re not, and I don’t see any men here anyway.

 

Boy- Dude, of course I’m a man, didn’t you catch the whole lets go to my bedroom thing?

 

Girl- No.

 

Boy- And that’s why you’re a girl and I’m a guy.

 

Girl-  And that is exactly why men are not better than women. You’re all run by your crotches!

 

Boy- Yes, and you love us for it.

 

Girl- Okay. Whatever. We all know women are better than men so lets just move on and get to work on the project.

 

Boy- Yeah okay. (Pauses for a few seconds thinking) wait WHAT!

 

Girl- Girls are better than boys. Okay so how do you want to do this, we could do a poster bo-

 

Boy- Wait, hold your horses chico. I don’t know what you’ve been smoking but men are way better than women.

 

Girl- They are not!

 

Boy- Yeah well… way back when it was men who did the fighting and protecting for the women!

 

Girl- (Girl is now seething with anger) The only reason men went to war instead of women is that MEN ARE AFRAID OF US! I mean can you imagine, (Girl stands up and begins to slowly advance on the boy, while the boy slowly backs away) some p.m.s.ing vindictive b***h on the battle field wielding a battle axe charging the men yelling “I’ll have your balls you male chauvinistic pig!” (Girl charges boy, while boy runs off the stage screaming and girl chases after him.)

Reviews

[Kaitlin W. Blaylock]

LOL! Love it! Would still love it more if had actually seen on stage. This is hilariously clever, and oh so true!

[Rebecca Hope Rouston]

Haha, this would look so amazing onstage!
So funny, yet so true at the same time. (: