II

Written in April 2008.

 The sun rises through the tangles of concrete and steel,

to spill across the pillows, and illuminate your face,

and with it brings a sense of dread that was unknown

when we met. For we are strangers again,

a fact that seemed of little Importance

last night in our frenzy of folly. But grows

with each passing second until I find it hard to breath.

 

How can I tell you that last night you were a phantasm

in a dream that I live every night, yet never fulfill.

That the only thing to change was the loss of inhibition,

which was not by choice, but chemically induced

with trickery. I never meant for this moment to be realized,

And now as your eyes slowly open,

And you smile lazily from sleep, my heart freezes.

 

I have finally done it, I have found the one thing

that our friendship will not surpass.

Reviews

[jen -- JG]

This is a good poem.

To me it is telling the story of someone who loved and lusted after after a forbidden love, one dreamt about so often that the reality of it actually happening in the flesh is quite a shock.

The following lines seem a little clumsy as if a word may be wrong or needs a puntuation .. yet at the same time it speaks of trickey which is chemically induced and that in turns invites the thought of "love / sex potion" kind of thing.

That the only thing to change was the loss of inhibition,
which was not by choice was chemically induced
with trickery. I never meant for this moment to be realized,

By some kind of witchcraft it seems that that the phantom lover you called became the real person in the flesh and then fullfilled your desires.

Then reality as he wakens and you realise that friend who really become lovers can never really be 'just friend' ever again is heartbreaking.

This is a good poem


Well done

jen-JG

[Salvatore Buttaci]

A great poem but how come you entered it in a clerihew contest? It's not a clerihew!

Sal

[Ralphy]

Wow, this took me to a new level as I thought the climax would have been tantalizing and complete but instead slightly less than perfect. As I thought the twinkle was a spark, instead it was flash back from the dark. I like the way you write...sweet indulging, with lots of bite

[Winter McPherson]

Great imagery of a bad decision. One a lot of people can relate to I'm sure. Has such a sad feeling at the end. I felt your dread, your sadness in it. The line with the "trickery" word was the only thing that distracted me. Maybe it needs some sort of punctation, I don't know.

Beautiful.

[shadadakiya]

very good so deep and makes your mind go back in time to a dream that ones was and sill is