Empty

A car ride with your mom. Or well this persons mom.

The music blasted as we drove down the road, it was scary to be with my mom alone. Not because she was a mean or scary person but because there was always silence between us. We may be talking to each other but we weren't really talking understanding and listening to one another. Maybe that was my fault because I had secrets.  A rap song began to play about smoking weed and having a good time with your friends, I watched her eyes narrow and she slammed the off button.

“We could just change the station.” I clicked it back on and let it linger for a second because I liked this song but I couldn't tell my mother that. I changed it to something more acceptable before she could complain again.

“Ugh I hate that song.”

“It’s a good song, nice bass.” I commented.

“It’s about weed.” She hissed, I knew my moms opinions on weed. I smiled a sick smile as I imagined what she would do if she ever found out that I smoked.

It’s not so bad. It helps you relax, maybe you’d be better if you smoked. Sometimes you just need to relax and a hot bath just won’t do it. Silence, actual silence, filled the car. I stared out the window, watching the world blur by. I realized I wasn't breathing, for a second I wondered how I had managed to forget to do something so essential to life but then I figured that I should start breathing again before pondering this.

I inhaled. Oxygen. It was nice. My mom grunted in disgust. “What?”

“Look.” She nodded in the direction of two young boys kissing and cuddling on the park bench. “I don’t go waving my heterosexuality in peoples faces, they don’t have to waves their homosexuality in mine.”

I laughed, “Like how when Dad will kiss your cheek.”

“I don’t kiss him back.”

I rolled my eyes. My mom didn't have an issue with gays, well she tried not to and that’s better than what she could be doing.

There was more silence, trees just slipping by as fast as the stripes on the ground. “Mother, do you love me?” I asked smiling wondering if she would remember the book she used to read aloud to me as a child.

She did but she could not recall the next lines, “Of course honey. More than anything else in the world.”

“What if I robbed a bank?” I asked.

“Then I would hide the money and get the best lawyer to free you.”

I nodded, “What if I killed a guy?”

“I would hide the body and we would move states away from here.”

I nodded again, What if I smoked weed? “What if I took over the world?”

“I would expect you to buy me a better house.”

I laughed. What if I told you I liked girls and boys? “But what if I was like Hitler?”

“I would tell you to stop being like Hitler.” She laughed.

What if I had a girlfriend that you didn't know about and we smoked weed together? “And if I didn't listen?”

“I would ground you.”

“You can’t ground me, I rule the world!”

“And I rule you.” We laughed.

More silence, she looked at me and smiled. I smiled back and started to sing softly to the song. It was a love song. Funny, I thought going into the chorus, The person who loves me the most and would give their life for me is the person that I trust the least. That shouldn't be how it is. I opened my mouth then closed it. Open and closed. Maybe when I’m 18 and she can’t be mad because I’ll be far away. I laughed, “Mother do you love me?”

“Yes, with all my heart.”

Really? Even if I do everything you hate and think is wrong? “No matter what?”

“I will love you until forever ends, with all of my heart.”

I smiled, “That leaves none for Dad.”

“He’ll live.” We laughed. Though we talked it was still empty silence between us. Empty conversations filled with empty words.

Would you still love me if you knew the truth?

Author's Note

Please tear it down, every flaw can be flaunted. It's the only way for me to get better. Oh and enjoy. I would especially like to ask if I got to wordy. Thank you!

Reviews

[アキス..]

I started reading this thinking I would hate it; I was surprised though. It's excellent. It reminds me of conversations I've had with my mother and others (though my secrets are different ones.) I don't quite know what it is about it, it's rhythmic in a weird sort of way, and despite being deceivingly simple seeming, it invokes some strong emotions.
I'm not sure what I'm trying to say so I'll just say this. "It's good. Keep writing. :D"

[Imara]

Oh thank you! If I might ask why did you think that you wouldn't like this in the beginning? And it's just about a conversation between a mother and daughter and how she can't tell her mom things about herself;Things that she feel that she should be able to trust her mother with

[アキスーテ (Akisute)]

I'm sorry but I don't remember why I thought that, I would tell you if I did recall.
Yeah, she can't tell her, it's kinda depressing in that way ain't it? Well I guess you would know you wrote it. xD

[Imara]

Haha I know the feeling! Hate it when I forget things lol.
Haha it is, I just felt that a piece on this distrust between families was needed.

[Philip Muls]

You can feel that mother and daughter love each other but secrets and distrust are between them. As a reader you want to encourage them to open up, whatever secrets they have, they should speak up. Because you can feel that their relationship can carry the weight.

Well done. Hope this is part of a bigger work, it certainly can be.

[Petra Vlah]

I love it! Engaging and very well written, it kept my interest alive until the very last word. I just hope this is a fragment of a longer piece that I can't wait to read

[Imara]

Oh thank you for your kind review. I am a short story writer so this won't be expanded sorry! Thank you for the read and review :)

[Petra Vlah]

It is good, that I was hoping for more

[Imara]

Haha yea I'm glad that you wanted more, I'm honored that you think it deserves a continuation. Maybe I'll write another piece on mother and daughter interactions.

[Raven Cedrone]

I didn't think it was too wordy at all. You incorporated just the right amount of information to keep the readers attention. You certainly kept mine.
There were no glaring errors that I could spot as I was reading along, but I always tend to miss things, so it is never wrong to go back through your work and look over everything.
Overall, I thought you wrote the story well.

~Raven

[Imara]

Thank you so much. I'm glad you liked it :)

[Kenzi Griffin]

Ermahgerd!!! I ferking love it!!!

[Imara]

Oh thank you! I'm glad you liked it

[A. H. Pinley]

It’s not so bad. It helps you relax, maybe you’d be better if you smoked. Sometimes you just need to relax and a hot bath just won’t do it. Silence, actual silence, filled the car. I stared out the window, watching the world blur by. I realized I wasn't breathing, for a second I wondered how I had managed to forget to do something so essential to life but then I figured that I should start breathing again before pondering this.
I would try to break the above paragraph into two.
Sounds like mom is being a parent. The children of parents don't see the world through the same eyes. Good work!

[Imara]

yes they don't, I'm glad that you were able to see the contrast between the two. And yes you're right I should those two paragraphs. Thanks for the review :)

[Gobinder Singh Dhindsa]

Well döne, do u read mine 2 Time

[Acucena G.]

its magical , I loved the poem .

[Imara]

Oh thank you, but what poem are you talking about?

[Acucena G.]

lol, I wanted to write story , I really thought it was written story, but when I red your comment I was like what did I do , kkkk , I am going crazy lol

[Imara]

Hahaha insanity is the best.

[Acucena G.]

hahahaha

[~Emma~]

This was great! It was worded just right so it kept a readers attention but wasn't to wordy. I loved how real it was, showing that it's the people that you are closest to are the ones you are afraid to reveal all your secrets.

[Imara]

Oh thank you so much, I'm glad you enjoyed it and that you got my message :) Thanks for the review!

[Mik Zeal]

I loved it. I loved that you showed that she is condescending without being condescending yourself in the writing and you showed what she wanted to say and what she did say well, not many writers can do that. This is a nice refresher to what I usually read and write.

[Imara]

Oh thank you! I'm glad that you liked it and really felt the emotions I was trying to convey. I'm glad that this was something new for you. I appreciate the in depth reviews that you give :)