my first love

this a fiction, yet it is interesting

I was on my way to office and was thinking of her

One part of me “call her “,

Other part of me “no, it has been long time, she won’t even recognize you”,

First part “at least try,

Second part “but what is the use”.

First part “maybe she also wanted to talk to you, and could not find your number”.

Second part “but how will you explain her, where did you find her number”.

First part “But you love her don’t you”.

Second part “but what if she likes someone else, will you be able to stand that”.

First part “What if she don’t, what if she is waiting like you had, since last 7 years”.

Sometimes it is very tough to convince yourself when you are arguing to yourself, and you know that one of the two is right, your heart says something illogical and yet you want it to be right, and brains produces logical argument but still you want it to be wrong.

Second part “what if she tells to her father, you will be screwed”,

First part “no she won’t, she is such a nice and intelligent she won’t do that”.

Ok I m going to call,

Sorry! I haven’t introduced myself, hi this is Rahul, I m a trainee in an architectural firm (though a trainee does nothing more than just photocopying and give print commands and do whatever work that even peon refuses to do), and after squeezing me for a whole month my boss pays me 6000 bucks as compensation, well apart from this I have few friend who take good care of me, like teaching me to drink and smoke, and sometimes even asking me to repay their treat, (ops sorry that was meant to be secret), not actually, but they are good, not just good they are only people I can rely on, so I should say they are really good friends.

Here I m stuck in a very grave situation, you must be eager to know who this girl is, so this is a girl, I had loved since I have known what love is, she I my first cruse, now that doesn’t mean I haven’t had cruse on other girls, but she is special.

I had plugged earphones in my ear and radio was singing “mera pehla pehla pyaar “. This song was inspiring me like I was going on some military mission and some patriotic song was going in background, which was raising my confidence.

I knew her since my childhood, we use to play together, later my family shifted to bhopal, and after my matriculation, I came to Noida for my graduation, here I spent four and half years and now I m in my training semester.

Once one of my father’s close friend told that she has completed her BBA, and is serving a multinational company, as travel counselor (I have no idea, as to what do these travel counselor do apart from sitting in office and dreaming of some place that they wanted to vist), he praised her like she has beated Indira Gandhi in lok sabha election, he even said I must learn from her, she is earning in just three years and I m still in college and my family nodded in affirmation as if I wasn’t even worth of a single penny , “what is that? you lousy fellow, I m reading architecture, do you understand what architecture is?” I wanted to say, how am I to explain this moron, I wanted to up turn the cup of tea on his face but this cup was a member of a dinner set which my mother has bought for from delhi and was unique. So I have to curb my emotions.

My friend Rajan is a real a*s, he said he can help me find her number, but that will cost, above me there hung a calendar which had a quote “a friend in need is friend indeed” and i thought maybe this is what it was saying about. I agreed to whatever demands he asked, he went through few websites and comeup with few profiles and resumes, we went through them for next half hour, at last we found her, there she was, her name boldly written, Neha Chaturvedi (travel counselor) and her number, rajan smiled at me, I can see his tongue rolling over his lips this was the sign that I had to pay for his drinks, he wasn’t like other people, who go for one or two pegs, how he cannot over drink even when someone else is paying for his drinks, and after his drinking I had to bear his lecture on country and society, I felt like kicking him, and I thought at least I can kick him once because he is taller and stronger than me, so when he is in senses I will never be able to do so I kicked him once and felt like my 5000 buck have been repaid to me, and then I had to carry him to the P.G. mean while his voice gradually lowered and finally he went to sleep. But I could not sleep, I kept on dreaming of her, how will she look like and what will she say when she will hear my voice, she will be excited to know I found her.

First part “call her you idiot, what are you waiting for”.

So finally I decided to call,

Ok the ring is going, tring tring…..tring tring….

My heart was sinking with the fear, to what all questions she would shoot, and I was trying to answer them, all this was going in my mind, city around me was rushing to their jobs, but for me all the world has halted for that moment. I can hear my heart beats even on the main road; it was thumping like nuclear bomb explosions in Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

Tring tring……tring tring…….

“Hello”

I can hear her voice, she is saying hello, what should I say?, I m paralysed, my brain is saying hello but vocal cord refuse to respond,

“Hello who is this”

Yes she is Neha, I can still recognize her voice, yes she is the same neha, what she would be looking like, I haven’t seen her, since last 7 years,

“Hello, please reply, who is this?, hello” she said

“Hi, can I speak to neha”, I said

“Yes I m neha, but who r u?” she said

“Hi neha, I m rahul”, I said

“Rahul! who rahul”, she said

Second part of me “see, I told you, she won’t recognize you. And what if she is doing it purposely”

“this is Rahul misra”, I said

There was silence for a minute, she has recognized me, yes she still remembers me,

“Who rahul mishra”, she said

What the hell, how can she act this way, she has recognized me, yes she did, but still she is acting like she don’t. for a moment my brain stoped and I felt like jumping from the top of hise rise building, but then I could not find any suitable building nearby and was afraid that watchman will not allow me in the primacies. I somehow gathered consciousness, and mumbled

“My father’s name is ramakant mishra, your father’s name is lakhsminarayan chaturvedi, I guess”.

“How did you find my number”, she order,

Second part of me, “see I told you, she will demand how you got her number”. People were passing in front of me and were looking as if I have lost my memory and needed to send to asylum.

“It doesn’t matter”, I said but my voice was very low.

“Yes it does matter, how did you find my number,” she demanded again,

“I can’t tell that,” I said

“What do you want,” her voice roared again

What the f**k!, she can’t talk to me like this, how can she do this to me, Rahul you are screwed, now she will tell her father, and he will to complain to your father, the respect you have earned by your family is gone.

There was silence for a minute, the pulse of my cell phone was running with as usual, till now I had spent 15 bucks, what the hell! I had spent my whole month’s stipend to get your number, and you can’t even ask, how are you?, I wanted to scream.

“I have no words to say, but let me tell you I had expected something else out of you” I said, I was hurt deeply and wanted to disconnect the call, as soon as possible.

“Can I call you later, I have a meeting, and I m on my way to the venue.” She said,

“As you wish, good luck.” I said,

Phone disconnected,