Just Ordinary

Happy birthday to all those who didn't get one this year.

Just ordinary

I used to care about my birthday

I’d count down the days 

I’d wish for so many presents

My expectations flying so high

I couldn’t even sleep the night before

Butterflies in my stomach

Then the birthday would come

Presents to enjoy

Cake and ice-cream

Family and friends

But as I grew older

My parents’ pockets grew drier

And presents became no longer 

The irony is crazy

How one time you’re hopes and expectations are so high

But now you cry the night before the day you were born

Because expectation fall short

And hopes die

You kill any joy because disappointment is the only thing in sight

I grew up to fast

I had to

Because who would cook when mom was too tired

Who would take care of everything else if not me

Now birthdays are a chore

Just a normal day 

People no longer reach out

I no longer feel anything for the event

Just numbness

No high expectations

No disappointment

Just numbness

But I find joy in the numbness

Because I have always been alone

Always fighting for my rights

For a place in society

Now my birthday is long gone

No celebration

No heartfelt messages

Now I have become a spectator

Watching other’s special day pass

Watching their loved ones celebrate them

But I do not feel jealous

I feel happy 

For they did not have to endure my life

Of sadness and disappointment

I celebrate for them

I send them the most heartfelt message

So that they won’t have to endure my pains

I wish it was different

I wish life was different

But in reality 

My day wasn’t special

It was just ordinary. 

-Jane Doe