Fracture

It was lucidity at its finest
Maybe because my mind
Has memorized all of the lines
And all of the curves
And all of the manner
Inherent to you

You were right there
As was I
Telling you
All that I'd meant to
That past night
Only this time
There were no smears on the window
And it gave me all of the confidence in the world

I grabbed your hand
And you hinted a smile
And I confessed the love
That was buried inside
And then there were smears on the window
And it gave me all of the confidence in the world

But I woke heavy
With disturbing clarity
And the delusions of us
Fell from my eyes

Reviews

[jcfrancis]

I love this poem, but I would suggest changing the title. You have managed to write a lovely poem with originality and heart and beautifully free of cliche. I think anyone reading the poem would quickly surmise that it is a dream and would enjoy making that discovery through your original and heartfelt words without having the backdrop handed to them in the title. It's a lovely thing when the title of a piece truly adds to the poem, which is much less common that one would think. You clearly have a talent for words. Let your title reflect that and you have a perfect poem.

[Ashley]

Wow, thank you so much. I didn't even really consider that and I appreciate the constructive criticism.

[Ashley]

If you happened to look back at this, let me know what you think of my revised title. I tried to play on the word "fracture" by using it as a metaphor for a dream being a break in reality and also the more apparent metaphor for heartbreak.

[jcfrancis]

I like the revision and the meaning behind it! Nicely done!

[garrijd]

Like this, especially the paradox in "smears on the window."

[Ashley]

Thank you!

[Colton Patterson]

A very... haunting poem? I liked it very much, although the way you've formatted it seems to mess up the rhythm of it every once in a while. I feel as if some of the lines could become one instead of having so many fragments. All in all a great work, I look forward to more of your word smithing.

Cheers, Colton.

[Ashley]

Thanks for the criticism! I was going for a very free verse and unstructured write with this one. So, I didn't concern myself much with the rhythm, but I re-read it with your comment in mind and I do agree with you.
Thanks for reading, Ashley.

[Colton Patterson]

You're very welcome.