Infant Sun

Everyone Needs Something

The tides kissed the rocks below
In this sad sighing night
As the wind pushed you to fall
I rushed in with a newborn fright
Feeling my fingers around your wrist
You smiled into the starlit sea
As you dangled from my grasp
I whispered to you my only plea
Don’t let the waves consume you
The morning’s surly on his way
There is love for you in this world
I’m begging you, Cynthia, please stay
Time’s like the waters below us
In the darkness it goes crashing around
But in the light of an infant sun
The quite giggles muffle the sound
If you plummet from this ledge
Then I shall follow you to the sea
We shall gaze at heavens doorway
And be wash away, all three

Author's Note

Need all kind of criticism anything and everything

Reviews

[Sagemind]

Great job, and kind of sad, too.

[Maui Wowies]

Thanks guys, You caught one of my errors, thanks, yeah its supposed to be washed and its suppost to be quiet muffles. Thanks so much for your reviews :)

[Michelle Tarnowski]

Every writer has their own style which makes them unique. I was caught up in the story, imagining who the people could be. Even placing my self as the girl who had fallen or jumped from the ledge. Did you mean to write "And be wash away" or was it suppose to be "And be washed away" That's all I could see that you may want to change. Good job!

[~angelalala~]

beautiful poem. very sad & haunting. i like the subtlety of it, hinting that she's pregnant. i think the flow is smooth & i love the imagery here. i really have nothing bad to say about it. very good write.