Story Of A Boy

Phases of life. Past that doesn't matter.

He was all alone.

He was always let down.

But then people came along.

Good people.Good friends.

He formed good bonds,

He thought it'll last.

But when time went by,

These bonds broke.

From his dream he was awoke.

But life went on,He moved on.

New place..New friends..

He changed..Everything did.

He was happy again.

He had a lot of gain. 

He started living his life.

Caring for people that he thought,

Could give him their life..

For them, he always fought.

But he was really bad in making choices.

What he thought was all wrong,

And it left him in pieces.

But it was near the end of saying goodbye,

So he just went on living a lie.

He knew he was not happy,

Talking to friends who once he 

thought were close,felt crappy.

You know? he had a problem,

He was not like you.

He was not like me.

When he feels like s**t,

He hurts himself. He cuts himself.

Those were the bad days.

Finally he fought with his own mind,

To get out of his black blinds.

He said, 

"Enough is enough! 

I deserve better. 

I deserve to have at least one person,

One person who would care the same way,

The same way I care for them!" 

So he said goodbye.

Even though there wasn't any good in it.

Even though they gave him a lot to remember. 

He still said it. He didn't look back.

Actually he didn't need to. 

They were just his past.

He knew he was going to another life.

Just like how he came to this one.

But for now,

He was all alone..

But nobody was there to let him down.!

Author's Note

This one is a personal write for me. :)

Please do feel free to read and review!

Reviews

[Ardra]

Good one ..... don't worry....life has lot to learn... sometimes it shines on us....sometimes it's the shadows ....but it's bec of the shadows we learn to appreciate the light.... enjoy life as it comes .....God bless you! Keep writing :)

[Coyote Poetry]

Life is learning and we need to find our own ways.
"They were just his past.
He knew he was going to another life.
Just like how he came to this one.
But for now,
He was all alone..
But nobody was there to let him down.!"
I liked the above lines. Sometimes we must begin anew to find happiness. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry and thoughts.
Coyote

[andrew mitchell]

I agree with Jay on this one but keep learning I still am in presentation and grammar.

[Emily]

Love a good narrative poem!
Great poem!
Keep it up!!

[JayG]

First, you say this is personal. If so, none of the linkages that make it meaningful to you will exist in the reader’s mind, so for you it points to those experiences, held in your mind. But for the reader the necessary experiences are in YOUR mind, and not accessable.

But that aside, let’s start with the fact that poetry is a LOT more than using pedestrian language. It’s far more than taking an essay and breaking it into lines. And it’s not a matter of outlining a situation in generalities. And finally, it needs to be edited, and properly punctuated. The idea is to have it flow beautifully—for the reader—in ideas, in language, and in all things that make poetry what it is.

Below is the work restated in the form it’s actually presented in, that of an overview for an unwritten story. All that’s missing is “the end” at the bottom:
- - - - - -
He was all alone. He was always let down. But then people came along. Good people. Good friends. He formed good bonds, He thought it'll last.

But when time went by, These bonds broke. From his dream he was awoke.

But life went on,He moved on. New place..New friends.. He changed.. Everything did.

He was happy again. He had a lot of gain.
- - - - - -
So in the end, what does it say? An unknown male, of unknown age and situation was alone in an unknown place. He made friends with unknown people and thought things were better, in an unknown way, but that changed for unknown reasons and got worse. Then he moved made new friends. The end.

Given the lack of detail, it has to entertain the reader through the way it’s written. But look at the problems that jump out:

• There’s no difference between “He was all alone,” and, “He was alone.” But more than that, from a reader’s viewpoint, what does it mean? You have intent, but intent doesn’t make it to the page. So what, about the presentation will entertain the reader?
• “He was always let down.” How can he be “let down” unless people are involved? But you said he was alone, and next bring in people.
• He formed good bonds, He thought it'll last.” You cannot use a comma to splice together independent sentences. This is basic grammar. You can’t get by in writing without it.
• “From his dream he was awoke.” Nor can you use Yada-speak.
- - - - - -
The short version: It appears you wrote it and then posted it, without editing. But you always need to edit, and present only your “A” game. Anything else disrespects the reader by making it seem you don’t care for their needs.

You also need to dig into what makes poetry poetry. There’s a lot more to it than there appears to be. And a few tricks added to your writing tools you can make a huge difference.

Take a look at the excerpt from Stephen Fry’s, The Ode Less Traveled, on Amazon. He’s more concerned with structured poetry, but his words on prosody, and what makes language flow smoothly for the reader are something every writer should know.

I wish there were some easier way to say this, but you did ask, and I thought you would want to know.

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/

[andrew mitchell]

One of the best positive, constructive reviews I've ever read. Thank you Jay.

[zunie frost]

It's so painful . things changes with the passage of time
your words are really powerful
very great poem and i love the way you tell this story