Note to Self

Today I felt so depressed. Maybe it's because we finally reconnected after a while and just like that, you slipped away. Even though I say I'm used to it, I never am. When you've had all kinds of people walk out of your life, even ones who you thought would love you till the end of the world, it stings to know people till this day find effort to leave. And I'm never perfect: agitated easily, changing my mind at every turn & always extremely close to self destruction, I guess I just hope people would see who I am beneath that. That I can love with all my heart & that all I require is the same back, is it so difficult to want that? And time, to make time for one another. It seems I'm never satisfied with the 40 minutes in front of your steps or the 90 in your bedroom. It goes so quick & it feels so empty. Maybe it's just me, maybe I need to reevaluate who I'm with or do I have to reevaluate myself? I just wish I could rewind time back to my freshman year of college when everything was new & I had a love, a love so innocent & tender. But I ruined that too. Will I ever figure this out?