How An Episode Goes:

Today is day three. Hopefully the mania kicks in soon.

One Month Ago
ER Shift ends at 3 AM
You would tell me to call you so you would wake up on time before I picked you up
I’d drive as fast as possible to reach you and you would walk in pouting
So tired and so unbelievably mine
We’d make our way back to my home
Where you’d play music and tell me about your day
We’d fall asleep on hypotheticals
A nightmare at 5 AM
I’d grab the right side of the bed and feel your breathe
“I’m having a nightmare”
“Ven aquí”
You’d kiss all the nightmares away
I’d wake up in your arms the next day
Tell you about all the craziest dreams I had
You’d walk me through yours
We’d make love in the early morning
And spend the day together
Remind each other of the forever & always

Today:
Fall Asleep at 4 AM after taking a ton of Xanax
My body goes numb and all fibers stop responding
I wake up at 5 AM to the worst nightmare of my life
I grab onto the right side of my bed
Nothing, absolutely nothing
Memories of how everything changed flood in my head
I try to move, but the Xanax is so strong
I’m stuck paralyzed looking up at the ceiling
I force myself to sleep
To wake up to an alarm at 8 AM to go to class
Press the snooze and wake up at 2 PM groggy and incapable
Take antidepressants for breakfast
Lithium for the mood swings
Baseline 0
Call Austin to tell him I’m sorry, but things aren’t getting better
Call Anita, to tell her she needs to call her mom because the medicine isn’t working. I need something higher.
Call Stephanie to give me five reasons why I need to still be here.
Call my mom to tell her I’m still graduating somehow.

Lay down & Repeat.