I’ve Been Thinking

I found you in the basement of your newly, constructed home in Matawan, NJ. You were always so far ahead of me & now that I’m too behind I can’t help, but feel like I’m losing you in all kinds of different ways. His name is underneath “ Somebody That Used To Matter” on my phone, but don’t take it too seriously. After I did what I did in Newark, NJ I tell you there is nothing about him that takes effect on someone like me. Yes, I still love him. But he also told me “My life has never been better.” And yeah, it stung a little. But, even though I’ve been coughing up blood these days. You still hold me and carry me to bed like I’m 18 again. I was busy reading Faulkner and you told me to shower with you before I go back to your bed on Union Street. I was so sick, I couldn’t even hold the book anymore so I downloaded the audiobook and you listened with me in your twin size bed. I was still with him at the time. But, he also acted like he didn’t need me at the time. So I did the same. So if he’s going to have the best time of his life. I will also do everything possible to make the best out of what I have. So, I called you. And now I’m naked in your bed.