Duplicity

Interlude:
Backhand commentary
Roll my eyes for the millionth time
Someone mentioned your name
Couldn’t help, but look left & right
Before I spit it out

55 notifications I woke up to
0 in my reality
This isn’t the life I chose
Everything I do
I’ll point my finger back at you

I:
My catalyst
My lover
You created this creature
Do you want to meet me?

When I walk across to grab my diploma
I’ll give my thanks to all who stayed by my side
Look at the empty seat that was supposed to be yours
And refocus on what’s ahead

In the night
When I lay in his bed
I’ll look at the ceiling
Turn to my right
Witness an empty space
And refocus on his soft breathes to my left

When I take my medication
I’ll remember when this wasn’t part of routine
“Alexandra, you’re mine”
Those words aren’t even yours
I’m hearing all these different voices
In my head
Yours is fading

My catalyst
My lover
You created this creature
When will I stop jumping into stranger’s bed
And finds your instead